Much Awaited Answers!

I'm a little slow giving an update on my blog, but we finally made progress in getting some answers for many of the health issues I have had in the past couple of years.  In April, I started seeing a new doctor at Forward Health Solutions in Hattiesburg, and the Friday before last, we received the results of twenty-one tests that had been ordered.

We discovered that my thyroid levels were low, my adrenals were low, and my hormone levels were completely out of whack.  Having a basically nonexistent progesterone level was the explanation for all of the miscarriages I have had.  In fact, it is an absolute miracle that we have Abby and Pax.  Progesterone is essential to sustaining a pregnancy in the first 12 weeks of life, and it's amazing that I did not lose the kids we have with my low levels.  God has been so good to us in ways we never even knew.

Pax and me on Mother's Day at Waffle House

Also, we learned that I am very, very low in iron.  Though we still aren't sure what caused my labs to be so off yet, we do have a plan of action now.  I'll be receiving weekly iron injections in addition to supplements to try to boost everything that is off.  I am very hopeful that I will begin to have a normal energy level again within a few months as we work on adjusting everything to get it just right again.

I am so very thankful that this appointment was productive and helpful.  After hearing so many times that everything was "normal" when I knew everything was not, it is a huge relief to know I will be able to overcome the fatigue I have been battling for so long now.

Abby and me playing flower princesses one morning in May

As for my diet, I tried eating Paleo last month to see if it would help at all, but honestly, I'm just more of a fan of eating gluten free clean cuisine style.  It works better for my family, and I feel better with that diet specifically.  However, I did learn some great Paleo recipes that I will continue incorporating into our diet in the future.

It's my hope as my energy returns again that I will be able to blog more again in the future.

For now, I am so grateful to be on the right path to feeling good and am so thankful that God directed us where we needed to go to get some answers that we needed very much.

‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Bucking the System

Once again, I've dropped off the blog radar for a period of time, because life has been unpredictable here. I've been struggling with a host of GI issues since I became pregnant with Pax, but switching to a strict gluten free diet has pretty much eliminated all of those symptoms. Praise God! That is a huge step forward for my health.

However, though I have not talked about it as much, I am still battling a chronic fatigue that comes and goes like a beast.  

When I say it's fatigue, I don't mean a tiredness that is normal from being a mom of two little ones. It's a weariness that knocks me on my back and makes me too exhausted to be able to sit up in a chair for long periods of time. It's frustrating. It's discouraging. It's humbling.

I haven't talked about it much except with close friends and family, because I did not want to deal with other peoples' opinions and their labels on top of this illness.  

It's not depression, though I wish it could be fixed with a pill.  It's not laziness, because I am too type A to be lazy for longer than an hour.  (Anyone who knows me just smirked at that comment.)  It's not predictable.  I went for a few weeks without a single episode and thought it was gone, but then it returned this week and had me down for two days.  I hate it.

This past week I started seeing a new doctor that specializes in integrative medicine.  I'm really hopeful that she will be able to give us direction in how to help me heal or at least deal with this better.  I'm starting a Paleo diet this month per her recommendation.  My doctor is ordering more tests to try to help us figure out exactly what this fatigue is and why I keep miscarrying.  Chances are they are connected.

Why blog about all of this now after I have kept it mostly private for two years?  

Well, I realized something this morning.  I love to blog.  It's my way of sharing what God is doing through my life. However, I've really felt like I did not fit the correct "blogger format" for a while.  You see, most blogs go something like this. A blogger shares their story about how something isn't going well... They may be in debt or are overweight or are sick. Then, the blog turns around as they share how they worked themselves out of debt, learned how to become fit, or figured out the secret of how they could become well. You get the picture.

My blog obviously doesn't fit into any of those categories. I don't have life figured out. I'm not debt free anymore. I'm not perfectly fit. I am certainly not a postcard picture of health. In my head, I subconsciously felt like I did not have the right to blog while I have so many unanswered questions... while I am vulnerable to criticism or opinions.

I'm bucking the system.  I am going to keep writing my story.  

I am going to pick up blogging again not for you but for me. Testifying about God's presence and faithfulness in this chaotic mess is my worship to God. I don't have all of the answers, and I probably never will.

In the end, maybe what all of us need is not another blog sharing about how they have it altogether but about a God who came down into this world and turned it upside down with His Son Jesus.

 

Life isn't neat. It can't be filed away in color coded categories. Sometimes, the good and the bad are just a blended up crazy mess that simply point to our need for a Savior and that help us long for a perfect place to go to one day.

Welcome to my blog. The good, the bad, the ugly. May we be transparent enough in our journeys to show people that Jesus is the One who holds us together and that we are a living testimony of His grace. In the end, Jesus is the One who satisfies... not a perfect bank account, not a rocking hard body, or an A plus on our medical report. May we strive together to show people Jesus is enough.

Jesus is enough for me.

Thanks for coming along this journey with me.

^{Ephesians 2:19-22 The Message}

That’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.

Learning to Move On

Well, this blog post is long overdue.  I have wanted to check in again for a while, but I just didn't know what to write.  Free time has been scarce.  About every virus in the county has visited our house in the past few months, and either the kids or I or both have been down.  It's not been a fun season.

Since January, I've been on the low fodmap diet per my GI dr's orders.  While it helped to resolve some of the GI issues I was having, it did not eliminate them, and it completely zapped my energy.  I went to a dietician to try to make sure that I was getting enough nutrition on it and learned that I knew more about the diet than she did.  Fast forward to March, I decided I couldn't manage my blood sugar well enough on the low fodmap, and I decided to just go strictly gluten free again.  Two weeks later, my GI symptoms have been almost erased, and I am starting to have more energy again with less down days.

Two years of medical treatment later and random diagnoses have landed me in the same spot I began this journey on.  I must be gluten intolerant.  I don't need a test to tell me what I already know from experience.  Any time I eat something with gluten in it.  I get sick.  Really sick.  So sick that it knocks me on my back for a few days like the flu.  My tummy bloats like I am pregnant.  I get brain fog that dumbs me down.  It's nasty stuff.

Honestly, I feel kind of jaded and frustrated with the medical community at this point.  While gluten intolerance is a legitimate medical diagnosis, very few seems to know about it in my area.  Because I was afraid of following a strict diet for relief that was "all in my head," I gave up on it, and I have spent the past year off it much sicker than I needed to be.  I can't blame them entirely.  I'm at fault too.

I was gluten free for almost my entire pregnancy with Pax, because it was the only thing that helped me survive the GI symptoms that I had.  Eating gluten meant throwing up thirty or more times a day.  Not eating gluten meant retaining my calories.  It only took a couple of doctors doubting that I had gluten intolerance to give me the excuse to eat freely again, because it is so much cheaper to eat "normal."  Instead of being strong enough to be my own advocate, I caved to their opinions, and it's made life tougher than it needed to be.  Heck, I have huge blocks of time that I simply don't remember, because I was just existing- not living.

I'm moving on.  I know gluten and I will never be friends again.  I hate that I had to take such a long journey to get here, but I'm here.  I really dislike that I will have to check the label of anything that goes in my mouth from this point on, and I really, really hate that I am going to be the kind of dinner guest that is impossible to cook for.  However, this is my life.  Denial won't make my health return.

Hello, my name is Anna.  I have gluten intolerance.  My life is not over.  It's really just beginning.  Apparently, this is part of the story God wants me to tell.

What are you in denial over?  What secret struggle do you have that you've let rest for far too long without dealing with it?  What do you avoid because you know the cost is high and the road is uncomfortable or awkward?  It may not be an illness.  It may be an addiction.  If it is ruining your life and moving you off the mission of loving and serving Jesus well, it's time to deal with it by God's grace.

Let's move forward together and just accept the story God has written for us.  In the end, we're not just telling our story.  All of our stories are simply weaving together to tell His... a story about a God who generously loves, redeems, and equips a broken, helpless people and makes them into something new for His name's sake... a perfect bride for His Son Jesus.

Will you take the risk with me?  Let's move forward for the sake of Christ.  Our time here is short.  Let's make the most of this life.

^"28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,^[a] for those who are called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰ And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

13 Weeks!

Image borrowed from http://www.babycenter.com/fetal-development-images-13-weeks.

We've made it to the 2nd trimester today!  Hello 13 weeks!  Since we have miscarried twice before now, it's refreshing to get to this point. 

Baby is doing well.  He/She wasn't in a good position for gender prediction this past Monday, but we should find out the sex on October 24th at our next appointment.  After talking to Dr. Sams, my ob, he agreed that I should continue on the gluten/dairy free diet, since it relieves most of my really bad symptoms.  At this point, it is important that we get the vomiting under control, so I can gain a healthy amount of calories pregnant.

Obviously, if I eat normal for three days and puke 60 plus times then eat gluten free/dairy free and don't vomit once, something is up.  It looks like the gluten/dairy sensitivities are confirmed.  At least I have a plan of action now, even if it means I have to eat in a crazy way.  We are just praying that everything returns to normal once Baby is born.

Some interesting things we have found out since I have been on this gluten/dairy free diet.

-The severe reflux I was having was caused by the food sensitivies. What I still have now is related to a hiatal hernia and can be controlled by Prevacid and elevating my bed at night.
-The constant nausea I was having all day long is gone now that my tummy is healing.  I only have morning sickness at night now.  Much better!
-I was apparently very bloated from swelling from the food sensitivies.  I have lost 5 lbs in water weight this week and my waist has gone down a couple of inches.  I hardly even look pregnant now which is weird since I am farther along.
-I am very sensitive to gluten.  I accidently used a couple of tablespoons of mayo that had gluten in it in a batch of deviled eggs I made, and I was sick late into the night from eating them.  I have to be diligent and a little OCD reading labels now.
-The odd stroke-like episode I had a month ago could have been caused by the gluten sensitivity.  It apparently can happen if you ignore the symptoms and continue eating like normal (which I did in ignorance).
-If ignored, gluten sensitivity can cause miscarriages, because it throws off your body so badly.  

Praise God for direction and that Baby has been safe while we have been figuring all of this out.  I am so thankful that our obgyn doesn't think I am crazy and agrees that staying on the diet is working and is the way to go.  He actually has experience with other patients doing similar things during their pregnancies. 

Yay!  We have answers.  Thanks for your prayers.

Doctor's Reports

Here's the scoop from the doctors' visits yesterday.

Neurologist:

It looks like the stroke-like symptoms may have just been related to a weird migraine.  It's hard to say for sure without more tests, but while I am pregnant, we would all rather play it safe and avoid any head scans unless they become absolutely necessary.

Diagnosis: Migraines

Plan of Treatment: Don't get stressed (SERIOUSLY).  He said the only thing I can do is to cut out stress and make sure I don't get stressed at all.  If I have any more funny symptoms, we'll have to proceed with more tests.  Let's pray that it stops here.

Allergist:

She seemed to think it was unlikely that I have developed gluten/dairy intolerance during pregnancy.  She seems to think that the reason I feel better on that diet is because it is low fat.  I'm not sure, so I am going to food journal a little longer and try out some ideas.  It would be awesome if I could eat normal and not have any problems again!

Diagnosis: Severe Reflux.  She thinks all of my other symptoms are attributed to the fact that I have crazy reflux.

Plan of Treatment: Elevate the head of our bed on cinderblocks until baby comes.  Eat low fat and avoid any foods that seem to make me feel worse.  Get on Prevacid since Tums don't help.  Since Prevacid is in the "gray category" with safety during pregnancy, please pray that our baby stays safe during this medication regime and that it knocks out the reflux so we don't have to try anything stronger.

Thank you for all who are praying for us.  We appreciate it so much!

Suspense

So, according to our GI specialist's allergy plan for Abby, I was supposed to eat something with gluten in it this month. Afraid to do so, I almost didn't.

With Bryan's encouragement, I did. A glorious Ed's Chili Cheeseburger. A very worthy glutinous delight.

That was at a lunch- no reaction so far. NOTHING!

We can't believe it.

We KNOW it was not gluten free.

Eeek! Could this really be over?

To Be Continued...

FINALLY... Delicious Gluten & Casein Free Bread

After too many failed attempts to publicly admit, I have baked a satisfactory (yes, smugly satisfying) loaf of gluten and casein free bread from scratch. Thank you, Mr. Cuisinart for your assistance. The final product...

Chef Cirlot's Abby-Safe Temptations

I have had quite a few questions about what things I can eat, so I just thought I would share a few photos of some foods that have turned out quite nicely. All of these are first-time shots, so please forgive their imperfections. I just wanted to prove that you can still eat quite happily on a restricted diet- creativity and seriously novice cooking skills are all that is required.

Flourless PB Cookies
(My husband who hates PB Cookies adores these... so yummy!)

Gluten-free Pizza
(It would have been beautiful if only I owned a rolling pin)

Delightfully Delicious M&M Cake
(I made this one with rice milk and just let Bryan eat the M&Ms- the frosting and cake itself are so good that the M&Ms pale in comparison anyways. I served this at a church fellowship and no one guessed that it was dairy free.)

Gluten Free Delight

This is what an Abby looks like without gluten in her system. Before, I was treasuring the happy moments in snapshots between our many unhappy ones. Now, I don't know what to capture next- this constant playfulness and happiness is such an incredible gift. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and relief. Having a healthy, happy little girl is such a blessing. God is so good.

An Answered Prayer

I just got off of the phone with Abby's GI doctor, and he agreed that we could cancel all of the tests that were scheduled for this Wednesday. Since last Monday, I have completely taken gluten and peanut butter out of my diet, and Abby has been doing great. She has progressively gotten better every day and has had three days in a row now where she has hardly spit up at all. We took her off of her Prevacid for over a week now and have not noticed a difference at all. It looks like the food allergies were just mimicking acid reflux- it may never have been that at all. Praise God for many answered prayers! At this point, I will just stay on the dairy/soy/gluten/peanut free diet, and we will watch and see how she does and follow-up with the doctor again in a few weeks. If it turns out to be necessary, we can always reschedule the tests. Yay for a happy, healthy little girl for a few days now! How wonderful would it be if all of Abby's tummy issues were resolved now? Let's pray that is the case.