Trip to the Fair

Today, we made our annual stop to the livestock barn at the Jackson County Fair.  Pax crashed on our way, so he slept through the entire visit in his awesome Bob jogging stroller.  However, Abby had a blast seeing all of the animals and fell in love with at least a couple before we left.  We even had a nice family volunteer to take a photo of all of us together.  Did I mention I love living in the South?

Highlights from this Summer

I am long overdue for a life update, but that's how we roll in the Cirlot residence.

Lots has happened since I gave my last update.

We kicked off the summer with a trip to Fort Morgan, Alabama with Bryan's side of the family.

Abby and her great grandmother on the schooner celebrating her cousin Cade's birthday.

Pax thought throwing sand was mad fun.  He wasn't too crazy about swimming in the Gulf though.  He likes rivers and pools much more.

We visited Fort Morgan and explored it as a crew.

The kids even participated in a sweet sibling moment to appease their mother.

In July, Pax finally had his surgery to correct his tongue tie.  Other than having a terrible time with anesthesia, everything was a breeze.

You can see he isn't a fan of anything that causes early mornings to happen.

Pax quickly was back on his feet like a pro.  The summer continued with ice cream sandwiches (gluten free, of course!) and lots of time outdoors.

Pax being ridiculously cute in our little plastic pool.  It was $35 well spent two summers ago!

It's hard to beat frozen treats in summer heat.

As the summer came to a close, Abby started her K-4 year, and Pax and I have been flexing to find a new routine without big sissy's help.  Church@The Square finally moved into our new building, and we are so excited about the new chapter that is waiting for our family and ministry.

Abby posing while her buddy Bongo watches wistfully wishing he was the center of attention.

Laundry time is fun in an 18 month old's world.

This past week, we vacationed at the camp.  It felt great to slow down as a family!  Maybe, I'll do a post soon to share some highlights from our trip.

Motherhood Is Not For the Faint of Heart

Motherhood is not for wimps.  It is not for sprinters.

You will be required to run a marathon whether or not you feel trained for it.  

I overslept my alarm this morning, which means I woke up to Abby running down the hallway and Pax stirring in his bedroom.  Moments into alertness, I'm changing diapers, pouring cereal, cleaning up messes, and commanding the day.  I like to wake up slowly, even if it means forfeiting precious sleep. There was nothing slow about today.

Pax was testy.  I'd like to say it was because he is teething, but I think we both have to admit at this point that it is just because he is 17 months old.  

He thinks the world should revolve around him still, and he is learning the painful truth that it does not. My old familiar archenemy fatigue was dragging down my pace, and Abby's energy was causing her to run laps around the house in search of an outlet to satisfy her curiosity.

Pax was melting down over everything from the cereal not dancing in front of him to the chairs being too white that he sat in.  

Realizing that I was not going to be able to keep up with them while doing chores, we forfeited all and started working towards leaving the house for a splash park visit.  An hour later, we made it to the car mostly in one piece. It took me 10 minutes and more spankings than we'd like to admit to push Pax into the carseat against his will. 15 teary and tantrum minutes later, Abby and I emerged as war victims from the car, and Pax looked content that he had let us know how frustrated he was in transit.

I let the kids run and play at the splash park until Pax clearly needed to nap.  I loaded them back up into the car with towels bundled on top, and we made another 15 teary and tantrum minutes later back home with Pax and stuck him in bed.  Abby was a trooper and helped me unload the car.  I filled her full of PBJ sandwiches and laid her down for a nap.

Now, in the quiet, I rest for a minute before Pax wakes up and we do the whole thing again.

I frequently have people ask me why I would leave a profitable career to stay at home with my kids. It's not because it is easier.  

It is easier to change diapers when you make $25 an hour to do it.  It's easier to care for a grumpy toddler when you know you get to say goodbye at the end of your shift and leave him.

I do it because of the Gospel.  I believe that Jesus is real and that this world is at war against the Enemy. I believe the most powerful moments of influence we have over our children are in the trenches of motherhood.

I want to invest every moment I have into training my children to love and follow Jesus well because our time on earth is short and the days are evil.  

When my energy is low and I wish I could hide away under my fluffy down comforter, I am teaching Abby and Pax that I treasure them more than sleep when I still get up and serve them to the best of my ability.

When our groceries run low at the end of the month, I teach Abby and Pax to be thankful that God has provided us food by not complaining and demonstrating a thankful heart as we eat bean tortillas or PBJs again.

When Pax pushes me over the edge and I respond in grace, Abby gets to see that being a mother is hard but that God gives grace to the weak and that kids are still valuable even when inconvenient.

Abby tells me she wants to have ninety kids one day.  I smile about it and imagine her running an orphanage with her outgoing personality and boundless energy.  I'm thankful that she sees motherhood as a gift and not a burden.  I hope I get better at demonstrating that.

Moms, none of us are perfect.  Most of us are tired.  Let's remember that serving our families is not worthless or vain.  In fact, everything we do for Jesus' glory, even in the shadows behind closed doors, is important.  Keep running the race.  In the Spirit's power, we can finish well.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:1-2, ESV)

Simple Photography Wall on a Budget

I have a confession.  I like to rearrange things... a lot.  Since we have been married, we hardly let a few months go by before we rearrange our furniture.

I like change.  It keeps me from feeling stagnant.  It keeps my mind creative.  It makes life feel fresh.

Since I have gotten sick, we haven't rearranged our furniture nearly as often, because I simply did not have the energy to do anything that was not necessary.  Three weeks into the new treatments, I am beginning to feel like my old self again.  I actually "want" to do things to get our life in order again.  That feels good.

Last night, Bryan and I rearranged the living room again, and I created a thrifty chic display on the wall for photos that were taken this past December in one of our favorite spots.  I like it.

Before: Our blank wall that has driven me crazy for about a year now.

After: We flipped our sectional around to open up the living and dining area more.  I really like the simplicity of hanging the photos with metal clips on a sheer ribbon.  We used eye hooks to mount the ribbon and keep it tight.

After:  Here's our display at a different angle.  I printed the photos online at Artsy Couture and chose a metallic finish.  Let me tell you... the print quality is unparalleled.

Walking into a room with beautiful photography makes me happy.  This little project didn't cost us a dime.

It feels good to see our home transform again into a beautiful, restful retreat from the world.

How do you make your house your home?  What do you like to decorate with?

Removing the Dross

In elementary school, I was introduced to the brilliant idea of extra credit. I loved it. I worked the system like a champ, and I made sure I made perfect scores on every test I took so that the bonus points could build a cushion for my off days. I liked seeing 110/A on tests. I really liked knowing that I would still have a perfect average even if I had a bad day in the future. It was secure, safe, and I was confident that I would be successful in school. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to be the valedictorian, and I knew insulating my grades would help achieve that goal. I was right. It did.

So naturally, as I've matured and grown up in life, that same mentality has shifted into almost every other area of life.  

When we heard about Dave Ramsey, the Christian financial advisor, and his plan to become and stay debt free, we jumped on board. I loved his smart advice, and I loved the financial security of being insulated from any possible emergency or pitfall in the future. I sold out for his plan 100%, started a home business to make it possible, and I leveraged everything to help us become more financially secure.

Enter church planting. It rocked our world. Enter Pax. I became too sick to keep up with the world I had built, and God didn't heal me. Enter confusion. Up until this point, God had provided in miraculous ways to keep us debt free, and for this season, He didn't. Enter anger. I felt that God had abandoned me in my suffering, and I didn't understand why He was not providing for our needs. Enter despair. I knew I was helpless, and I was ashamed that I couldn't keep up with the system ideal I had set for my life.  Enter the Prosperity Gospel. When I tried to find comfort in other Christians, I often heard that God blesses those He loves, and Sin is the reason God withdraws His blessing. Enter struggle. I wrestled with God and myself. I knew we were following God. I knew life was hard. I knew He was my only Hope for peace. I knew I needed Him.

Enter rest.  I'm here.  

It's because of the Word. Scripture redefined my worldview, and I realized suffering was what I needed to purge the false theology that I had made my own. God had to take away the "dross from my heart to make a suitable vessel for His Spirit (Prov. 25:4 paraphrase)." I needed His refining fire to melt away everything that was competing with Him to make His Spirit shine brighter in me than everything else. The process has been painful. I can't say I have enjoyed the journey, but I am thankful that God sometimes withholds His provision for a season to expose our hearts and ultimately lead us to a greater dependency on Him. (There is an incredible sermon about this here that Dr. Russell Moore preached back in 2010 if you'd like to explore this idea more.)

I still love the idea of being debt free so that you are more free to give. I want to be there again with my whole heart. However, it's not an idol for me anymore. If we are never debt free again but are faithfully using our resources for the Kingdom and not merely for our own pleasure, we won't have failed. The funny thing about being married to a pastor is that you usually get to be a living sermon example for whatever he is passionate about. Bryan hates the Prosperity Gospel and the way it has tainted the worldview of the Church.

We are getting to live out that following Jesus doesn't always lead to financial security and prosperity, but it will lead to peace in Christ.

Jesus is worth more than anything.

John Piper teaches, "Purity only comes through the refining fire." (You can listen to that sermon here.) The good news is that the refining fire is ultimately for our good. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

As John Piper preaches, "What is life like in the refiner's fire? More than anything else it is the unshakeable trust that all the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness. And on the path to purity and heaven the truth is this: no pain, no gain. Both things are true: the Lord is like a refiner's fire, and a refiner's fire is a fire."

Dear Christian as you struggle in this world and are beat down by the accusations of those around you who question you and judge you for not being successful on their terms, you may be exactly where God wants you to be. God doesn't care about your worldly success. He cares about His glory and your good. God will refine you until you reflect His Son well.

It is a good thing. He will sustain you. Rest in Jesus.

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

Much Awaited Answers!

I'm a little slow giving an update on my blog, but we finally made progress in getting some answers for many of the health issues I have had in the past couple of years.  In April, I started seeing a new doctor at Forward Health Solutions in Hattiesburg, and the Friday before last, we received the results of twenty-one tests that had been ordered.

We discovered that my thyroid levels were low, my adrenals were low, and my hormone levels were completely out of whack.  Having a basically nonexistent progesterone level was the explanation for all of the miscarriages I have had.  In fact, it is an absolute miracle that we have Abby and Pax.  Progesterone is essential to sustaining a pregnancy in the first 12 weeks of life, and it's amazing that I did not lose the kids we have with my low levels.  God has been so good to us in ways we never even knew.

Pax and me on Mother's Day at Waffle House

Also, we learned that I am very, very low in iron.  Though we still aren't sure what caused my labs to be so off yet, we do have a plan of action now.  I'll be receiving weekly iron injections in addition to supplements to try to boost everything that is off.  I am very hopeful that I will begin to have a normal energy level again within a few months as we work on adjusting everything to get it just right again.

I am so very thankful that this appointment was productive and helpful.  After hearing so many times that everything was "normal" when I knew everything was not, it is a huge relief to know I will be able to overcome the fatigue I have been battling for so long now.

Abby and me playing flower princesses one morning in May

As for my diet, I tried eating Paleo last month to see if it would help at all, but honestly, I'm just more of a fan of eating gluten free clean cuisine style.  It works better for my family, and I feel better with that diet specifically.  However, I did learn some great Paleo recipes that I will continue incorporating into our diet in the future.

It's my hope as my energy returns again that I will be able to blog more again in the future.

For now, I am so grateful to be on the right path to feeling good and am so thankful that God directed us where we needed to go to get some answers that we needed very much.

‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Living Faith in a Marriage

I first watched the video of this couple's testimony this past year, and I was deeply moved.  I cannot imagine living in their circumstances.  Jesus is so very good and faithful.

This love story is absolutely beautiful.




Here's an update a year later:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/ian-and-larissa-one-year-later

Longing

Most of my life's struggles can be summed up in this statement.

I want heaven to be here, and I want it now.

I long for a perfect world. I ache for it. I'm tired of seeing people hurt that I cannot "fix." I'm tired of seeing brokenness displayed in everything from a wilting flower to a failed marriage. Sometimes, the sadness everywhere is just too much.

In the past few weeks, Bryan and I have experienced the joy from an unexpected pregnancy to the deep grief of losing that little life all too soon. Miscarriage is just another reminder that this world has fallen from all it was supposed to be. Life ends all too soon.

In those moments, our flesh wants to cry out against God and shake our fist at His sovereignty, but in the end, we know that this mess is our fault. God created a perfect world, and humanity chose to abandon it to try to become like God. The terrible thing about our choice is that what we were seeking... God had already done. We already were like God... We were created in His image. We believed a lie and committed treason against our Creator. In the end, Sin marred everything that was already beautiful.

You feel it. I feel it. The effects of Sin are everywhere.

I am hurting. Losing three babies to miscarriages for no apparent reason is heartbreaking.

Some days, all I can think to say is Jesus come soon.

He will.

I long for the day when families won't be torn apart. Broken hearts will mend. Tears will be wiped away from every eye by the One who has borne our pain, who knows our shame, and who knew our failures but loved us and chose us still.

Oh Jesus, may we find you in our loss. Wrap us in Your Spirit. Don't waste our pain.

Revelation 21:3-5 

I saw Heaven and earth new-created. Gone the first Heaven, gone the first earth, gone the sea. I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.” The Enthroned continued, “Look! I’m making everything new. Write it all down—each word dependable and accurate.”

Providence

Well, today Bryan preached on providence, and I lived it out.  Since my story today is too ridiculously covered in God's grace not to share, here you go.

I ate a banana last night while Bryan and I were watching a movie.  Suddenly, the roof of my mouth started burning and itching, and I felt my forearms break out in hives.  Realizing that the banana was setting off an allergic reaction, I took two Benadryl, and everything calmed down as expected.  I'd never had an allergic reaction to anything I had eaten before, but I had some pretty strange reactions to latex in nursing school that always seemed to pop up when I was under a lot of stress.  Maybe, the banana is related to that allergy?  A quick search on Google seems to indicate so.

I went to bed as normal.  When I woke up this morning, I made a strawberry protein mix smoothie while I was getting everyone ready for church and drank it as I cleaned up the kitchen.  Within thirty minutes or so, I was in the bathroom really sick.  I put Pax down for a nap.  Bryan and Abby left early for church, and I jumped in the shower to shake feeling awful.  By the time I got out of the shower, my face and arms were covered in hives, and I took two more Benadryl.   I called Bryan to let him know what was going on, and I kept getting ready for church thinking that the Benadryl would stop whatever had started.  I pulled out an old epipen just in case, but I seriously doubted I needed it.  I had never used one before.  While I was drying my hair, I started to feel like my throat was tightening, and I began to feel a little anxious.  I tried to rationalize it away thinking that maybe I was psyching myself out.

When it kept getting worse, I walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer to let the cool air blow into my face.  It helped.  I realized I was indeed having an anaphylactic reaction to something I had eaten, and I grabbed my epipen.  Pax woke up at the same time from his nap and was in his crib crying for me.  I stuck myself and felt almost instant relief.  At this point, the symptoms were so strong that I didn't even notice the prick of the needle.  I just knew I could breathe again, and I thanked God for the relief.  I called Bryan and told him I needed a ride to the ER but that I was fine now.  Of course, all of this happened minutes before the church service was starting.  Since I felt good enough to let the church schedule run as usual, I told Bryan to stay and preach.  The epinephrine was working.  I grabbed Pax, loaded his diaper bag with adrenaline shaking hands, and waited outside for our church friends to take us to the ER.

By the time I got to the ER, I felt pretty normal.  I was just jittery from the epi pen and a little shaken up that I had second guessed myself over something so serious.  If I had passed out, I could have died.  The ER doctor confirmed that I had had an anaphylactic reaction to something I had eaten, and I was given oral steroids to try to prevent another delayed reaction.  I now have two more epi pens to tote with me everywhere I go from now on.  Believe you me, we will be like peas in a pod.

I didn't know that Bryan was preaching on providence today until we talked about everything that had happened tonight.

What you don't know is that a medication leaked in our medicine cabinet a couple of weeks ago, and I almost threw away my epipen, because it had expired six years ago.  I didn't, because I decided an expired epipen might be a good thing to have around just in case.  I figured it would probably still work.  It did.

Though the half hour before a service starts is crunch time, Bryan had just happened to check his phone again, so he got the message that I needed help asap.  If he hadn't, my story may have played out differently.

I'm a registered nurse by training, and my experiences with latex reactions during nursing school prepped me to know how to recognize and respond to an anaphylactic reaction.  It saved my life today.

God's fingerprints are covering this whole scenario, and it's by His grace that I am alive and writing this blog tonight.  I am very thankful that God is in control of everything from the frustrating reactions I had years ago to the simple decisions I have made this month without much thought.  God is good.  It looks like He is going to let me hang around a little while longer and tell you how very good He is.

Talk about a grace kissed life.  I have it.

Learning to Move On

Well, this blog post is long overdue.  I have wanted to check in again for a while, but I just didn't know what to write.  Free time has been scarce.  About every virus in the county has visited our house in the past few months, and either the kids or I or both have been down.  It's not been a fun season.

Since January, I've been on the low fodmap diet per my GI dr's orders.  While it helped to resolve some of the GI issues I was having, it did not eliminate them, and it completely zapped my energy.  I went to a dietician to try to make sure that I was getting enough nutrition on it and learned that I knew more about the diet than she did.  Fast forward to March, I decided I couldn't manage my blood sugar well enough on the low fodmap, and I decided to just go strictly gluten free again.  Two weeks later, my GI symptoms have been almost erased, and I am starting to have more energy again with less down days.

Two years of medical treatment later and random diagnoses have landed me in the same spot I began this journey on.  I must be gluten intolerant.  I don't need a test to tell me what I already know from experience.  Any time I eat something with gluten in it.  I get sick.  Really sick.  So sick that it knocks me on my back for a few days like the flu.  My tummy bloats like I am pregnant.  I get brain fog that dumbs me down.  It's nasty stuff.

Honestly, I feel kind of jaded and frustrated with the medical community at this point.  While gluten intolerance is a legitimate medical diagnosis, very few seems to know about it in my area.  Because I was afraid of following a strict diet for relief that was "all in my head," I gave up on it, and I have spent the past year off it much sicker than I needed to be.  I can't blame them entirely.  I'm at fault too.

I was gluten free for almost my entire pregnancy with Pax, because it was the only thing that helped me survive the GI symptoms that I had.  Eating gluten meant throwing up thirty or more times a day.  Not eating gluten meant retaining my calories.  It only took a couple of doctors doubting that I had gluten intolerance to give me the excuse to eat freely again, because it is so much cheaper to eat "normal."  Instead of being strong enough to be my own advocate, I caved to their opinions, and it's made life tougher than it needed to be.  Heck, I have huge blocks of time that I simply don't remember, because I was just existing- not living.

I'm moving on.  I know gluten and I will never be friends again.  I hate that I had to take such a long journey to get here, but I'm here.  I really dislike that I will have to check the label of anything that goes in my mouth from this point on, and I really, really hate that I am going to be the kind of dinner guest that is impossible to cook for.  However, this is my life.  Denial won't make my health return.

Hello, my name is Anna.  I have gluten intolerance.  My life is not over.  It's really just beginning.  Apparently, this is part of the story God wants me to tell.

What are you in denial over?  What secret struggle do you have that you've let rest for far too long without dealing with it?  What do you avoid because you know the cost is high and the road is uncomfortable or awkward?  It may not be an illness.  It may be an addiction.  If it is ruining your life and moving you off the mission of loving and serving Jesus well, it's time to deal with it by God's grace.

Let's move forward together and just accept the story God has written for us.  In the end, we're not just telling our story.  All of our stories are simply weaving together to tell His... a story about a God who generously loves, redeems, and equips a broken, helpless people and makes them into something new for His name's sake... a perfect bride for His Son Jesus.

Will you take the risk with me?  Let's move forward for the sake of Christ.  Our time here is short.  Let's make the most of this life.

^"28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,^[a] for those who are called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰ And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified." Romans 8:28-30

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

A Nursery Lesson

Pax is a dare devil.  This kid started standing up on things at six months old.  Fast forward to the present, almost nine months of age, Paxman is a rock star.  He resourcefully tests anything that can move and turns it into a push along walker.  For example, if his sissy is dragging a huge basket of toys across our wooden floors, you can bet that Pax will track her down, grab on, jerk himself up, and walk behind her as if he has been doing this all of his life.  Our little guy is dying to be as "big" as Abby.

Learning to walk is his goal from the time he wakes up until the time he crashes these days.

This morning, Pax was actually using his walker to practice walking.  Novel idea, huh?  He was fast tracking back and forth in his bedroom until he tried to push it out the very uneven door opening between his bedroom and the hallway.  Crash!  Somehow, Paxman flipped upside down and landed with his back legs in the air half dangling over his upside down walk behind.

He screamed in anger and in pain.  I picked him up and sat him in my lap to assess the damage.  Any bleeding?  Nope.  Any bruises?  Not yet.  Before I could continue my assessment, Pax had squirmed out of my arms and was squealing in rage at his walker and crawling back towards it in determination to finish the job he had started.  He was going to push that thing through the doorway.

 

Failure was unacceptable.

By the time Pax reached his walk behind, he was no longer growling in frustration, he was squealing with delight.  What had started as a huge disappointment had become an even more fun toy.  With the walker flipped upside down, Pax now had better access to the wheels.  He stood proudly beside them and spinned them with his tiny fingers as fast as he could and giggled.

An instagram of Paxman soaring past me in our bedroom the other day

Failure was forgotten as it unearthed something new.  Something better than he would have thought of on his own without it.

As I'm watching my son in amusement, a light bulb went off in my head.  The same happens to us.  Sometimes, we're going head on with life pursuing our agenda, our goals, our dreams, and everything flips on us unexpectedly.  We end up wounded and frustrated.  We cry out in anger at God for messing up "our plans."  In His goodness and grace, our Father God picks us up, heals our wounds, and feeling comforted, we plunge back forward and begin going again.  As we face our failures in His light, the shame we once felt begins to fade away, and in the wake of our tragedy, we discover something new.  We discover that our failures were actually paving the way for a greater story, a better one than we could have planned ourselves.  We learn that, indeed, all things work out for good for those who love God and who are called according to His purposes.

1 Peter 5:10 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.


Go forth dear child of God.  Blaze the trail Jesus has placed you on.  Do not fear your failures.  God is bigger than they are.  Be afraid not to live.  Go forth.  Your Father is good.  He is watching and listening.  He will comfort you when you fall then He will set you back on His course again.  You are part of a great story, precious believer.  The greatest story of all time.  Your life may seem like a failure right now as you try to follow after Jesus, but at the end of time, we'll look back in confidence and say that His story was greater than anything we could have planned on our own.  So for now, do not fear.  

 

Go live for Him.

 
Micah 7:7-8 

But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.

My Journey with Chronic Pain

My tummy hurts.  A lot.  I'm over it.

I try not to complain.  I try not to have a bad attitude about it.

But, I'm really ready for relief.

My stomach has pretty much ached nonstop for over a year and a half now.

Nights are the worst.

I am tired.

Best I can remember, it started a few months before my pregnancy with Pax, and I told myself back then it would go away after Pax's birth.  Fast forward to three months post Pax's birth, I'm still hurting, so a surgeon removes my gallbladder.  Thankfully, it stopped the terrible attacks that I was having every night, but the ache never went away completely.  My little guy is 8 months old now.

Some days, I hurt a little, and the pain is nothing more than an annoying nag.  Other days, it lays me on my bathroom floor in a crumpled heap, and I cry in frustration because I hate being unable to take care of my family as well as I want to.  Chronic pain stinks.

I've been poked test after test about a billion times now (ok, maybe that's a little dramatic)... it's only been a million times.  I'm a bizarre health freak of a person when I eat.  I watch fat grams like an anorexic, and so far, no medicine has erased the discomfort.  Only a hard jog or a heating pad seem to bring any relief.   Weird.  I've lost so much weight that most of my pants sag in my seat, and most of my shirts hang some kind of crazy loose on my frame.  Not cool.

My conversations with doctors have gone like this.

Generic Doctor: What are your symptoms?

I name every GI symptom imaginable.

Generic Doctor: What causes your symptoms?

Living.

Generic Doctor: What makes it better?

Blank stare.

Generic Doctor:  Do you think it is just gas?

Are you serious?  I've had two babies!!!  I'm not a wimp.

Generic Doctor: I'll order some blood tests.  Let's do a scope.

So... great.  More tests.  More medical bills.  No answers yet.

But, tomorrow is the day.  I'm scheduled for an EGD (Esophagogastroduodenoscopy).  Fun stuff.

I know.  I'm being sarcastic.  I'm borderline complaining about it all.  It's hard not to complain a little.  Being physically handicapped for almost two years is frustrating.

Maybe you're struggling with chronic pain or know someone else who is.   I want to share with you what I have learned.

Chronic pain does take its toll on you and those around you.  Pretending it's not difficult is just living in denial.  It is hard for everyone involved.  It's humbling and frustrating for the person experiencing it, and it is exhausting and annoying for those who love them and want to support them well.

I've learned that I must live life now.  I'm only guaranteed now.  Not tomorrow.  I've learned that life must continue, even when I don't feel amazing, and God's grace is enough to keep me going.  The tummy ache may stop one day, and it may continue until I die at the ripe old age of 98.  Who knows what the future will hold?  Only God.  Not me.

I've learned that I must, I mean absolutely must, spend time with Jesus every day.  I need His Spirit to help me to love others when all I want to do is think about me.  Reading His Word fills my soul with peace and fuels me to serve out of His overflow when I only feel empty.  On my bad days, God usually feels a thousand miles away, and I need Scripture to remind me of His truths like God's love never changes and that God's power is made perfect in weakness.

I've learned to invest in my family's lives and to invest in others out of obedience to Christ- how I feel is too fickle and fleeting.  I've learned that I can still be faithful to make disciples of others, even when I feel less than ideal.  Sometimes, the days when I feel the worst are the very days I have seen God use me to most effectively reflect His goodness and glory.  That's pretty incredible stuff.  God is so good to use us, even at our worst.  

I've learned to simplify my life, my schedules, and re-shift my priorities to get rid of the excess that I never really needed anyway.  God gives us the grace we need to live out each day, and if we are totally maxed out EVERY day before we go to bed, maybe we are living our lives outside of His grace and are doing more than He has asked us to do.

I've learned to be flexible and to rest when needed.  I'm a type A, check off my list, and never budge from my schedule kind of person, and my chronic illness isn't considerate of my plans.  Bad days come and go unexpectedly, and I've had to learn to allow life to ebb and flow around them.  I've also surrounded myself with flexible people that understand when I have to cancel or postpone dates last minute.  There's a saying I like to tell myself, "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter."  People who truly care about me know that I am responsible and care about them too but that being chronically ill sometimes comes at inconvenient times.  In a way, a chronic illness can help weed out shallow relationships.  Fair weather friends are really not great friends at all.

Tomorrow, I'd appreciate prayers. 

After almost two years of not being "normal" anymore, I am ready to have a diagnosis and a plan of treatment.  Pray that the EGD is helpful and that the anesthesia doesn't completely kick my tail.  Pray that the procedure goes well and that the medical team that will be performing it is skilled and kind.  I have a history of debilitating nausea and vomiting following any anesthesia at all, and I am pretty much dreading tomorrow in every way.  Please pray that the anesthesiologist is able to help me control the unpleasant post-op symptoms and that I can leave the recovery area at a reasonable time.  Pray that God would give grace to my family as they cope with me being out for the day.

Thank you.  I believe that God is powerful and a healer.  Prayer matters.  Thank you for joining in my journey.

When the Rubber Meets the Road...

Do people look at your life and know Jesus is real?  

It's a question I keep asking myself.  I think it is a question we all need to ask ourselves if we are Christians.

I was raised in a Christian home and have been in a myriad of churches all of my life, but this past year has taught me more about faith than any that have come before.  

Shortly before God called Bryan to plant Church@The Square, we went to an Acts29 bootcamp for church planters to find out the "inside scoop" on what church planting was really like from the inside.  We heard stories of victory and stories of despair.  I listened to wives in the women's track share about being tested and describe their personal stories to support their husband's in his calling.  So, when God made it clear to Bryan that he wanted him to start a church, I felt confident about where we were going and felt like I had an idea of what was to come.

I knew the basics.  It wasn't going to be easy.  We were doing something financially risky.  Our marriage would be tested.  Our children would be challenged.  In the end, we had to believe losing everything for the sake of the Gospel was really no loss at all, even if our church didn't succeed.  I knew that.

Fast forward over a year later, living it is a new story.  It's easy to have faith when you know how life should play out.  It's not easy when life derails and chaos becomes the norm.  Consistent schedules have long gone out the window with retirement plans and a nice emergency fund.  I have had to decide whether I really loved Jesus enough to be ok with life unpredictable and bank accounts not lining up neatly.  Do I love Jesus enough to sacrifice my comfort and settle for thrift store clothes over trips to the mall?  Do I love Jesus enough to forsake my pride and give up caring about what others' think to follow Him well?  Do I love Jesus enough to eat bean soup one more time this week because it stretches our grocery budget further?

By no means do I think we are martyrs, that's not my point.  By living in the United States alone, that places us in the category of the wealthiest people in the world.  Any sacrifices we make here are pathetic compared to what many global missionaries give up daily, but I'm not them.  I'm me.

Giving up anything that I value is uncomfortable and tests my allegiance.  

Christian brothers and sisters, we cannot serve God and money.  Jesus made that clear.  If you're not actively fighting to serve God instead of money, I can guarantee that you aren't serving Jesus.  Remember, Jesus said that the road to eternal life was narrow and those who find it are few.  Following Jesus isn't the way we naturally drift.

I really do like Christmas and Christmas trees... I'm just trying to help you see a bigger picture here!

Ok, so what's my point?  As Christmas approaches, it's easy to get caught up in consumerism and holiday frenzies.  I feel the pull.  It's fun, it's light hearted, but most of it is pointless.  

As Christians, if the way we celebrate Christmas looks exactly like the way an unbeliever celebrates Christmas, something is off.  

Something is very wrong.  If we truly believe that Christmas is about celebrating the greatest gift God has ever given mankind, Jesus, we need to reevaluate how we spend this season.  We don't need to rack up our credit cards buying things to impress people we don't even like.  We don't need to pump our kids so full of the Santa hype that they completely miss out on Jesus, the only one who can really satisfy their hearts.  We don't need to pack our schedules so slam full that we run ourselves empty and are unable to enjoy Jesus at all.

Here's what I am proposing:

Boycott EVERYTHING.  (Definitely Just Kidding!)

1) Recenter your Christmas around Jesus.  Be creative.  Use an advent calendar.  I don't care how you do it.  Just do it.

2) Don't get caught up in an American Christmas.  I'm not saying that you have to throw away every Santa and Frosty the Snow Man that you own.  I'm not.  We're not supposed to hide in dark holes to escape our culture.   Live in it, but don't let it own you. In our house, we don't play the Santa game.  We teach our kids about the real St. Nicholaus and how he was a courageous man who loved Jesus and was a giver.  We don't teach our kids that Santa is evil or that they needs to spill the beans to all of the other kids around them that Santa is a hoax.  We simply just don't make it a big deal.  We make Jesus, the God of the Universe, coming to the world as a baby a huge deal.  Why?  Because, He is.

3) Simplify your Christmas.  How much?  Simplify your schedules, your traditions, your giving, your life until Jesus is easily seen and celebrated.  That will look different for every family.

4) Give generously to someone in need.  Pray about it as a family.  Use it as an opportunity to worship God for giving us Jesus.  This may be to someone you know or someone you don't.  It has meant different things to us different years.  God will direct you to choose wisely.

The bottom line... I don't believe in legalism.  I don't think hiding from Christmas will teach your kids anything about it all.  I don't think you should only give your kids three gifts each to teach them how to be grateful.  I don't think you have to run every time you see a Santa in the mall.  I don't think you have to stroke out because you can't buy every person you know a Christmas gift.   I don't think you have to plug your ears every time a secular Christmas song plays in Walmart.  I don't think we need to burn Christmas trees.  I happen to like Christmas trees very much and plan on driving around with our kids to look at Christmas lights like we do every year.

I do believe people need to see Jesus in our lives.  I do believe how we celebrate Christmas can either show people that Jesus matters a lot to our family or that He really doesn't matter at all.

As we plug in the Christmas trees, eat our gingerbread men, and sip our egg nog lattes, let's live in such a way that people know Jesus is real... not just another Packaged Santa Claus.  Jesus has rocked our world and has turned it upside down.  

Luke 2

The Message (MSG)

The Birth of Jesus

2 ^1-5 About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David’s town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant.

^6-7 While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel.

An Event for Everyone

^8-12 There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.”

^13-14 At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises:

Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.

^15-18 As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.

^19-20 Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!

Free Christmas Preschool Ideas

I've been browsing the internet this morning for ideas on doing some Christmas preschool activities with my almost 4 year old kiddo.

Here's a blog offering a great freebie packet.

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2010/12/preschool-christmas-activities.html

I also found some other fun ideas for family nights on the cheap.  Look at this idea!  I love the creativity.

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2009/12/minivan-express.html

What are your favorite resources for craft planning and preschool activities?  Are you hooked on Pinterest too?

One of God's Greatest Blessings This Year Was...

I know, I know, I know.  I've promised to share my incredible flaxseed hair gel recipe on here.  I've promised to do a review on Once a Month Cooking.  I've promised to share my journey with Devacurl and so much more.  I will post about them.  I really will, but there are so many things that are so much bigger that have been stirring in my heart lately.  So, forgive me... again.  I will get around to those things one day.

But, wow, oh wow! It has almost been a year since our family began this journey diving in full time with the church plant.  You can read my post about that last year here.  We have had some serious ups and some serious nose dives down.  It has been a journey and a season like none other.  And God... He has just been so faithful, so intensely evident, and His grace has completely saturated this past year.

This past Sunday, Church@The Square was packed out.  Providentially, the setup team had tried a different setup arrangement, so we were able to fit everyone who came into the BSU building where we are meeting on Sundays.  It was one of those services where every technical glitch imaginable happened, but God's Spirit just kept moving and stirring us as we worshiped together.

As we closed the service singing and praising Jesus, I couldn't help but tear up thinking about how God has brought our church family together.  What began as an idea has taken on flesh and is thriving and living just as Bryan and I had hoped and prayed.  If you walk in our church doors, you'll notice that our setup is very bare bones, because we are channeling all of our resources into making the Gospel known near and far away.  You'll see that there is no cookie cutter norm of how anyone should look, because we have faithful white haired folks full of wisdom to younger thug looking guys with tattoos.  We are all praising Jesus.  God is weaving a beautiful tapestry of people together to proclaim His name all along the Gulf Coast and farther.  Wherever we go, wherever we live, wherever we work, that is our mission field.  We are learning to be intentionally on mission and to leverage our gifts, skills, mistakes, and resources to making much of Jesus and to making disciples.

Seeing the church grow and thrive, Bryan and I just sit back and rejoice at what God has done.  We know every misstep we have taken along the way.  We had so many plans on how to reach out, how to let people know who we were and what we wanted to do that never happened.  During one of the most crucial stages of launching the church, God completely sidelined us with my tough pregnancy with Pax.  Now, I believe He did it, so we would just watch in awe and worship now.  We can't take any credit for what has happened.  We just get to rejoice and raise our hands in adoration to the Savior who is still saving lives and redeeming brokenness in our world.  In a city where many people are considered unchurched and turned off by church, God is working powerfully.

Folks, the Gospel isn't just a story.  It's a breathing, powerful testament of how the God of this universe madly and jealously loves you so much to send His precious Son Jesus to die to save you from your sins and restore you to what God created you to be.  It's about Jesus defeating death by rising from the dead and about Jesus inviting us into His Story so that the entire world will know how good He is and how only He can makes us whole.  It's worth giving your life for.  The Gospel changes you from inside out.

This year, watching Jesus awaken dead hearts to life and making the lame walk again has been priceless.  Jesus is alive.  His Church has a reason to stand together and rejoice.  God is doing something incredible in Gautier.  Jesus is making Himself known.  I am so very thankful for all of the roads that led us to Church@The Square.  May God continue to use us for His glory dear church family.  May we be united in Jesus and love each other and those around us so well that people know Jesus is alive.  You are dearly loved by God and us.

Happy Thanksgiving Church@The Square!

The Grace Kissed Life

Good things are coming!  When I started this blog, my intentions were to write to keep all of our friends and family who aren't near up to date on what was happening in our lives as Bryan became the pastor of a small church here on the Coast.  I linked a handful of emails to my blog then posted on facebook to let people know when I had written something.  I really didn't think many people were reading what I wrote.  I mainly just wrote for myself and God.  I call writing my "free therapy."  Writing out my journey helps me process what is happening, and it brings me closer to God.  It helps me appreciate what He is doing in the good and the bad.

Well, imagine my surprise when years later, I begin tinkering with my blog's layout and click the stats button.  I about fell out of my chair when I realized how many people from all over the world were reading my blog.  I internally freaked, panicked, then stared at the screen in awe.  It completely blew me away that my daily struggles and wins would attract that kind of attention.  It's a God thing.

Why He's given me this voice on the internet?  I have no clue, but I do know this.  I love to write.  I love to be creative.  I love to be artsy.  I love to share about Jesus and how my story is playing out His.

Happy at the sandbar with Boo and Bean... my favorite place in the world!

For those of you who have been following for a while, you'll notice I have been updating the blog's look and have renamed it to "The Grace Kissed Life."  Why rename it?  Mainly, I wanted to protect my family's privacy a little more with the wide spread of readers that I have inherited.  Also, making it more professional allows me to have more opportunities to share my posts and become funded by companies that want to take advantage of the number of readers that follow me.

Why the name?  Why "The Grace Kissed Life"?  Well, my first name is Anna, and in Hebrew, that means "graceful."  If I can say anything of my life, it has obviously been touched by God's unmerited favor (a.k.a. grace).  I think as you read along, you'll see that trend too.  God's grace covers me.

As for this blog, my hope is to share snippets of my life's journey with you so that you see how beautiful Jesus is and how well He takes care of His own.  

I'll be sharing tips and ideas of how we are able to live well on a small ministry salary.  I'll share my struggles as I figure out how to be a Godly wife and mom.  I'll review products and resources as opportunities present themselves.

Thank you for being a cheerleader.  Thank you for often praying for us, crying with us, and having a good laugh with us.  You're not a creeper (I think).  We want you to celebrate life with us.  Welcome to the Grace Kissed Life.

Learning to Walk Again

This weekend signified a huge shift in our household.  Pax has begun the journey of becoming a walker.  Therefore, nothing... I mean nothing is safe anymore.  Our house has become one huge obstacle course, and our little guy has danced, side stepped, and stood to his heart's content.  We have heard thud after thud after thud as our Boo has practiced standing and stepping alongside anything that could hold up his weight (or not).  We have all cooed and smiled and urged our brave man along.  Not once have we scolded him for not doing a better job.  We've applauded and cheered as if he was breaking world records in babyhood.  His struggles and efforts are our joys as he conquers one developmental milestone at a time.  Watching Paxman grow is a joy.

Showing off his skills at church Sunday.

This past month I have been making traction in studying Biblical womanhood and applying those truths to my life.  It's been a hugely difficult transition from being a business oriented mom to a family oriented mom.  I have stumbled and fell more than once, and I have struggled with discouragement off and on because this shift has not been natural.  I LOVE my family, but it is so much easier to love ME.

I am convinced living life Biblically is impossible to do without the Spirit's help.  Jesus told us His path was straight and narrow and that few find it, but in our pseudo-Christian culture, it's easy to believe that Christianity is the norm.  It's not.  Being a Christ follower isn't a checklist of going to church, following a few moral guidelines, and giving a tithe.  It's hard.  It's messy.  It means losing everything for the sake of the Gospel, so that we can find Jesus is everything we really need.  Living Biblically will cost you.  That's why so many people listened to Jesus' teachings then walked away.  Remember the rich young ruler?

Since my last blog post, I've been challenged over and over again through unreal spiritual warfare about the decision I have made to live out the Gospel through loving my husband and children well.  And no, I don't throw around that term "spiritual warfare" loosely.  However, when we follow Jesus head on and leave this world behind, we are dangerous.  We are a threat to Satan's kingdom.  There is no one closer to rocking this world for the glory of Christ than the person who chooses to follow Jesus and abandon everything they used to worship instead.

The struggles are real.  Putting flesh on this decision has been uncomfortable, self-denying, and honestly at times quite terrifying.  I'm not in control anymore.  I like control.  I will say that God's grace has proven more faithful than I have ever known.  His Presence has been evident more powerfully than I have ever known.  His mission has burned in my heart more brightly and clearly than it has in years.  I am feeling in sync with His Spirit.  I have peace.  That is priceless.

What is this looking like in our daily life?  Our home life is shifting from a place of chaos and disorder into a place of peace and joy. I've been decluttering and simplifying our home and our routines.  I've discovered that excess takes up energy we don't have, and we want our lives to be about the Gospel- not stuff.   My relationship with Bryan is better than it has been in a long time.  We are actually spending quality time together when we put the kids to bed.  We've limited our tv time to one show a week, and we spend our evenings together actually connecting instead of just vegging out.  The changes with the kids have been remarkable.  I mean they are 3 years and 7 months.  I didn't expect one month to affect them much, but it has.  They are happier and more at peace together.  Because I am not investing my best energies into websites and graphic design, they are getting the attention they need to thrive and develop well.  Abby's attitude has improved hugely, and she is learning how to love her brother well and see him as a joy instead of a burden.  Maybe she's learning from my example?  Ouch.

We haven't arrived at perfection.  We won't.  It's about the journey.  It's about the effort of learning to walk as Jesus would have us walk.  It's about learning to carry our cross, so that others would see how great He is... not how amazing we are.  The cost of becoming a Biblical woman in an ungodly culture is high sweet sisters in Christ, but the cost of missing this is even higher.  Just like we applaud Pax right now for learning to take his first steps, I know God applauds us and cheers us on.  He isn't expecting perfection, but God does demand obedience.  I pray that this blog will encourage many of you to begin your journey in following Christ no matter the cost, even if Dave Ramsey wouldn't approve. :)

Here's a link to the study I just completed on Biblical Womanhood if you're curious and want more info.

http://www.truewoman101.com

Coming Home Again

I've taken a mini hiatus lately from blogging because I have been really working on reorganizing my life.  Long before Pax was born, our family fell into what I like to call "survival mode."  It was a season of not really thriving but just making the best of some back to back rocky seasons.  Praise God, a month ago, Little Boo was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and a simple switch to soy formula has given us a new baby.  My sweet guy now sleeps, eats, and plays happily.  I feel like I am coming out of a fog.

Six months into being a family of four, I have become very aware that there are quite a few things out of order in our lives.  Our home has become quite chaotic as schedules aren't meshing, important things are being forgotten, and Bryan and I have only been together to discuss kids, church affairs, and website business.  Not ideal.

As I've been praying and working through a study on Biblical womanhood, I've been convicted that part of the reason for all of the disorder is me.  Ouch.  In many ways, I've forgotten my most important assignments... being a Godly wife and mom.  As a Biblical woman, being a Godly wife and mom are non-negotiable.  These are bed rock priorities.  Neglecting my role isn't just a bad idea, its fruit can make people think the Gospel is a joke.  That's serious stuff.

Sure, you say, coming to my defense.  You're a great wife.  You're a great mom.  You stay home with your kids but run a web design business from your home office.

Yeah, I do, but at a great cost.  My heart has begun to wander from home.

I've found myself more and more lately realizing that there aren't enough hours in the day to design logos, build websites, manage projects, cook supper, clean dishes, wash clothes, feed the kids, diaper Boo, and eliminate dust mites.  That's not even touching the additional responsibilities and challenges that come from being married to a church planter with an ever shifting schedule.  It just isn't possible. In the busyness of life's routine, I haven't been thriving.  I have been surviving.  I haven't been a great manager of our home.  I have taken on more than what I can handle.

In light of studying God's Word, I've realized that I have had role confusion.  Instead of thriving in my role as a nurturer and wife, I've been trying to shoulder Bryan's responsibility as being the provider of our family too.  I've neglected my role to the harm of everyone around me, because I underestimated its importance.  Am I saying that a woman can't work outside the home?  Absolutely not.  I just believe that Scripture teaches that in an ideal situation you shouldn't work outside the home if you aren't already managing your other responsibilities well.  I'm not.

On a side note, if you are capable of running your home well, loving your husband well, managing your kids well, and working out of the home well, you are awesome.  You are the Proverbs 31 woman.  I hope I can be you one day.  I'm just saying I'm not there yet.

Here's where I am.

I'm coming home.  I am backing down drastically on how many website projects I take on every month, because I want to invest in my family more.  I want to love my husband so well that I make him the greatest pastor he can be.  I want to be a worthy helpmate.  After all, that's why Eve was created (Sorry feminists... it's true).  I don't want to be so busy working on my career goals and finding self-fulfillment in doing something I love that I forget to help my husband accomplish God's calling in his life.  I think we can do more good for the Kingdom of God together than apart.  Hence, marriage.

With the kids, I want to be a Godly mother who isn't stressed out because they are wrecking my business task list.  I want to invest in these young years by loving my children and training them well, because this is the only time in their lives when I will be given the gift of being their primary influencer.  I want them to be primed to love Jesus and to make Biblical decisions.  I want to know their hearts, know their struggles, and be everything to them that God has called me to be.

In our home, I want it to be a place of order and rest.  I don't mean a sterile place where everything is perfect and nothing can be touched.  I want it to be a place that is organized and open to others.  I want it be managed so well that I don't stroke out when someone drops by unexpectedly.  I want our meals to be healthier than last minute fast food runs because "Mom worked too late again."  I want our home to give my family a glimpse of heaven so that they hunger for it even more.  You get the picture.

It's a tall order I know.  It's going to mean sacrifice to make it happen.  It means we'll be living on less again.  It means most people will think we are weird... I'm weird.  But, that's ok.  It's not about me.  It's about Jesus.  It's about trusting God and His idea of Biblical roles and learning to love my family and my home well.

Titus 2 

1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled,sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  

If you're curious about learning more about Biblical womanhood, check out this link here:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/resource-library/30-day-challenges/

I've been participating in the 30 Day True Woman Makeover and have found it encouraging, convicting, and helpful. If you're a woman, may God give you grace to be a Biblical woman who loves Him and others well!