Goodbye

The funeral begins today at 2 p.m.  I can't sleep for the second night in a row.  It's all surreal still.   It's hard to believe Meme is gone.  I know she lived a full and happy life, but I'm still sad.  I miss her.  She was dynamite and spice as long as I have known her, and watching her fade away slowly this week has been really hard.  I'm happy that she is with Jesus now.  I still hate death.

Sunday night was the last conversation we had where she was able to respond back much at all.  It went like this.  I bent down to tell her my visit had come to an end.  She called me her little princess and moved my hair out of my face to comfort me as I silently shed tears that were long overdue.  She traced my arm with her hand until it touched my face and brushed through my curls.  We both knew it was goodbye.  I could see it in her eyes.  She squeezed my hand before letting go.  I kissed her forehead and said a prayer over her before walking away.  Neither of us had dry eyes.  Goodbyes are never easy or adequate.

Tonight, I started looking through photos I have of her from our wedding until now.  Here a few favorites I thought you would enjoy seeing as we celebrate her life today and grieve over her death.

July 8, 2006- My Wedding Day

2008- Celebrating Abby's Imminent Arrival

Spring 2009- Dedicating Abby 

Easter 2009- Abby and Meme's "quality time"

Thanksgiving 2009

Spring 2010

Summer 2010

Fall 2010

Fall 2010

Spring 2010- Our Most Recent Abby/Meme Photo

We love and miss you Meme.

Difficult Day

Abby and Meme this May

Today has been a tough day.  It started off incredible.  Abby was at Gaga and Pap's (my parents') house, so Bryan and I got to sleep in late (for us).  We began thrift shopping for barstools until we got a phone call that Meme (my dad's mom) had taken a turn for the worse.  We immediately stopped what we were doing and headed towards the assisted living facility where she was staying.

Nothing prepared me for how much she has aged in only a week's time.  It was so hard seeing her frame fragile and weak gasping for air.  She has been fighting kidney cancer, and we knew the tumor was growing.  She lived 92 years... more than most people get.  It's still not easy.

Death is so hard to comprehend though we all push against it.  It's hard for me to understand that another person that has always been a constant in my life will no longer be here.  Feeling the pain of grief begin again today has been too much.  I hate to see people I love suffer.  A slow death is hard on everyone.

Abby came up to me tonight worried because I was teary, and asked if I was sad over Meme being sick.  When I told her I was, she said I need to play "animal farm" with her, so I would be happy again.  I had to smile.  I often wish life was that simple again.

Tonight, I don't grieve as someone who has no hope.  Yes, life does seem futile and hopeless sometimes.  I'd be lying if I said it doesn't.  Even when my emotions give way to despair and sadness, I can stand firm knowing that Jesus is my constant.  Nothing in this life is guaranteed except for Him.  In Jesus, I find comfort and hope for tomorrow.  Even when this life ends, the best is yet to come.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end." Psalm 40:18


"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne saying, "Look God's home is now among His people! He will live with them, and they will be His people.  God Himself will be with them.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:1-4