Saturday, July 23, 2011

Difficult Day

Abby and Meme this May

Today has been a tough day.  It started off incredible.  Abby was at Gaga and Pap's (my parents') house, so Bryan and I got to sleep in late (for us).  We began thrift shopping for barstools until we got a phone call that Meme (my dad's mom) had taken a turn for the worse.  We immediately stopped what we were doing and headed towards the assisted living facility where she was staying.

Nothing prepared me for how much she has aged in only a week's time.  It was so hard seeing her frame fragile and weak gasping for air.  She has been fighting kidney cancer, and we knew the tumor was growing.  She lived 92 years... more than most people get.  It's still not easy.

Death is so hard to comprehend though we all push against it.  It's hard for me to understand that another person that has always been a constant in my life will no longer be here.  Feeling the pain of grief begin again today has been too much.  I hate to see people I love suffer.  A slow death is hard on everyone.

Abby came up to me tonight worried because I was teary, and asked if I was sad over Meme being sick.  When I told her I was, she said I need to play "animal farm" with her, so I would be happy again.  I had to smile.  I often wish life was that simple again.

Tonight, I don't grieve as someone who has no hope.  Yes, life does seem futile and hopeless sometimes.  I'd be lying if I said it doesn't.  Even when my emotions give way to despair and sadness, I can stand firm knowing that Jesus is my constant.  Nothing in this life is guaranteed except for Him.  In Jesus, I find comfort and hope for tomorrow.  Even when this life ends, the best is yet to come.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end." Psalm 40:18

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne saying, "Look God's home is now among His people! He will live with them, and they will be His people.  God Himself will be with them.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain.  All these things are gone forever." Revelation 21:1-4

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