I've taken a mini hiatus lately from blogging because I have been really working on reorganizing my life. Long before Pax was born, our family fell into what I like to call "survival mode." It was a season of not really thriving but just making the best of some back to back rocky seasons. Praise God, a month ago, Little Boo was diagnosed with lactose intolerance, and a simple switch to soy formula has given us a new baby. My sweet guy now sleeps, eats, and plays happily. I feel like I am coming out of a fog.
Six months into being a family of four, I have become very aware that there are quite a few things out of order in our lives. Our home has become quite chaotic as schedules aren't meshing, important things are being forgotten, and Bryan and I have only been together to discuss kids, church affairs, and website business. Not ideal.
As I've been praying and working through a study on Biblical womanhood, I've been convicted that part of the reason for all of the disorder is me. Ouch. In many ways, I've forgotten my most important assignments... being a Godly wife and mom. As a Biblical woman, being a Godly wife and mom are non-negotiable. These are bed rock priorities. Neglecting my role isn't just a bad idea, its fruit can make people think the Gospel is a joke. That's serious stuff.
Sure, you say, coming to my defense. You're a great wife. You're a great mom. You stay home with your kids but run a web design business from your home office.
Yeah, I do, but at a great cost. My heart has begun to wander from home.
I've found myself more and more lately realizing that there aren't enough hours in the day to design logos, build websites, manage projects, cook supper, clean dishes, wash clothes, feed the kids, diaper Boo, and eliminate dust mites. That's not even touching the additional responsibilities and challenges that come from being married to a church planter with an ever shifting schedule. It just isn't possible. In the busyness of life's routine, I haven't been thriving. I have been surviving. I haven't been a great manager of our home. I have taken on more than what I can handle.
In light of studying God's Word, I've realized that I have had role confusion. Instead of thriving in my role as a nurturer and wife, I've been trying to shoulder Bryan's responsibility as being the provider of our family too. I've neglected my role to the harm of everyone around me, because I underestimated its importance. Am I saying that a woman can't work outside the home? Absolutely not. I just believe that Scripture teaches that in an ideal situation you shouldn't work outside the home if you aren't already managing your other responsibilities well. I'm not.
On a side note, if you are capable of running your home well, loving your husband well, managing your kids well, and working out of the home well, you are awesome. You are the Proverbs 31 woman. I hope I can be you one day. I'm just saying I'm not there yet.
Here's where I am.
I'm coming home. I am backing down drastically on how many website projects I take on every month, because I want to invest in my family more. I want to love my husband so well that I make him the greatest pastor he can be. I want to be a worthy helpmate. After all, that's why Eve was created (Sorry feminists... it's true). I don't want to be so busy working on my career goals and finding self-fulfillment in doing something I love that I forget to help my husband accomplish God's calling in his life. I think we can do more good for the Kingdom of God together than apart. Hence, marriage.
With the kids, I want to be a Godly mother who isn't stressed out because they are wrecking my business task list. I want to invest in these young years by loving my children and training them well, because this is the only time in their lives when I will be given the gift of being their primary influencer. I want them to be primed to love Jesus and to make Biblical decisions. I want to know their hearts, know their struggles, and be everything to them that God has called me to be.
In our home, I want it to be a place of order and rest. I don't mean a sterile place where everything is perfect and nothing can be touched. I want it to be a place that is organized and open to others. I want it be managed so well that I don't stroke out when someone drops by unexpectedly. I want our meals to be healthier than last minute fast food runs because "Mom worked too late again." I want our home to give my family a glimpse of heaven so that they hunger for it even more. You get the picture.
It's a tall order I know. It's going to mean sacrifice to make it happen. It means we'll be living on less again. It means most people will think we are weird... I'm weird. But, that's ok. It's not about me. It's about Jesus. It's about trusting God and His idea of Biblical roles and learning to love my family and my home well.
1 But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. 2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled,sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
If you're curious about learning more about Biblical womanhood, check out this link here:
I've been participating in the 30 Day True Woman Makeover and have found it encouraging, convicting, and helpful. If you're a woman, may God give you grace to be a Biblical woman who loves Him and others well!