Chasing Rabbits

I've been thinking.  Chasing rabbits.  I need to write to make sense of all that has been spinning in my mind.

A year ago, Bryan and I went to an Acts29 bootcamp to explore planting a church in our town.  We were exiting a difficult ministry situation and feeling called to start something new.  During those few days, God clearly confirmed His plan for us to start what would become Church@The Square.  It was an amazing time of worship, Bible study, encouragement, and preparation for what would be ahead for us.  One of the speakers told us that Satan might not know where our neighbors lived but if we started a church, he would know where we lived.  Spiritual warfare wasn't a spooky ghost story.  It was a reality we would live in if we moved into enemy territory and became a threat.  As a pastor and a church planter, he wasn't trying to use scare tactics, but he did want to remind all of us that the price of obedience was high and that it would cost all of us something.  In the New Testament, Jesus said the same thing.

The seasons of life that have been ushered in with following our call as a church planting family have been completely unlike anything we have ever experienced.  The ways God has provided for our family's needs have been nothing short of supernatural and amazing at times.  Money for bills and needs has appeared in the strangest of places, and seeing God touch lives is beautiful.  I wouldn't trade what we have seen for an easier journey.  I love what God is doing through Church@The Square.

The cost has been high.  Since the blog I wrote at the beginning of December about our family leaping into church planting full-time, we have been tested incredibly.  It's almost like situation after situation has arisen to challenge us and say, "Are you really serious about this church planting thing?  What if it costs you _____?  Will you really stick with it then?"  By God's grace, we have been able to say, "Yes!"

I don't think it is coincidental that my health has taken a nose dive since December.  Even the doctors don't really know what is going on exactly, and since I am pregnant, their ability to run tests has been limited.  A couple of weeks ago when I was hooked up to an IV pump in the hospital, that same voice asked me again.  "Is it really worth it? What if you don't get better?  Does God even care? If He is Sovereign, You know He could heal you.  Can You really love and trust a God who plays with your health... with your child's health?"  Shutting the voice out, I responded, "Yes!"

You see, I don't understand why God has not healed me completely.  I wish He would.  But, God was gracious and has given me some unexpected really good days since I have been released from the hospital.  I know He could heal me, but He hasn't.  Maybe it's so I can write this blog.  I have no clue.  There are times when God acts in ways that are completely beyond our understanding, and we are asked to trust Him.  When I don't get life, I have to preach to myself and remind my heart what I do know is true.  God is good.  God loves me.  God is for me and not against me.  His ways are greater than my ways.  Just like an ant can't fathom the brainpower of a nuclear scientist, I cannot always understand the mind of God.  I can trust His heart.  He is a good Father, and I am His child.

Today, I woke up with one of the worst gallbladder attacks I have had so far.  The Lortab and the other medications I took didn't touch it.  I was discouraged. I cried in the obgyn office.  I hate crying in public.  A lot.  I am so close to delivering a healthy baby.  I don't want to go back to the hospital to get hooked up to an IV again.  I don't want to let Abby see her mommy cry anymore because she can't handle the pain.  I definitely don't want any more medical bills coming into our mailbox.  However, if God somehow gets glory in my suffering, I have to submit to Him.  Life was never promised to be easy, and even if I have to deal with pain more than I would like, God has been incredibly good to me and my family.  God has faithfully protected Pax and kept him safe throughout this whole pregnancy.  I am finally able to eat meals again and gain healthy pregnancy weight to be able to deliver safely with strength.  Easter Sunday is our due date.  Not too much longer until our sweet boy will be here!

Healed or not, God is kind and loving.  I will find rest in Jesus.  On the other side of eternity, I will look back and know that the cost was worth it.  As Jim Elliot said, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."  Even if planting a church costs me my health, I'd agree with Bryan to do it again.  The Enemy may not play fair, but Jesus is worth everything.  In the end, Jesus wins.

"1Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:1-5

Anticipating a great weekend with quality family time, I was pretty bummed out today to feel Abby's head this morning and realize that she was sick... again!  Our little butterbean has ran a high fever all day- the peak being 103 F. Yuck!

So... we have had lots of cuddle time.  She has napped on my chest twice today for over an hour each time (a HUGE deal if you know our busy little bee).  We have pumped fluids into her little body as we gave her meds to knock down the fever.  We even made homemade apple juice popsicles tonight which were a huge hit and finished the night off with a classic kids movie, "The Land Before Time."  Overall, not too bad of a day with a sick kid, it could've been much worse.

I kept thinking about all of the moms out there that are nurturing their sick kids and who have no hope of their child getting better.  Without medicine, this would be a whole new ballgame.  Here's where you come in.  I'm linking to a site where you can give if you feel led.  No pressure or anything.  I'll never know either way.  I am just asking you to pray and ask whether or not you should give to this cause.  If God says no, you're scotch free. 

Consider giving whatever God leads and give a mom hope.  I will too.

Click here to donate.

Life For Us

Well, I sure get annoyed by bloggers who use their digital space as an open forum for complaint, so I try not to. Gosh, I sure am tired of being sick. Before Abby was born, I rarely got sick, but my immune system has not been up to par since. This is the 3rd week of being sick in a row- all different viruses. Yuck! I will be more thankful for my health from now on! Say a prayer that I get over this "funk" quick, because life has not been slowing down for us in the Cirlot home. Either way, God is still good- all of the time!

On a business note, I've been designing quite a few holiday photo announcements this weekend. Many new samples to be posted soon. Here's a fun thanksgiving one. I'm partnering with at least one local photographer beginning in October (maybe two) and will be printing my own photo announcements in their package deal. We'll see how it goes! Should be fun. =c)

Lessons from Roseola

This past week has been less than fun. Abby has been genuinely sick for the first time, not just afflicted by food allergies. I have been playing nurse for 24/almost 7. Abby has run a fairly consistent high fever almost nonstop until yesterday, and she has been very emotionally fragile. Every moment of it has been heartbreaking to me. My "nursing self" knows logically that the full body rash she now has is a good sign that this virus is ending and that her body is fighting it off, but my "mommy self" hates seeing my child suffer- even on a minor level.

As I was holding Abby this morning and watching her fitfully try to fall asleep, I was saddened. God, in the quiet whisper He often uses in my heart, spoke to me about an area I have become quite shamefully hardened on. He pointed out that as much as it makes me sad to see Abby sick for a short time when I know she will get better- how much more grievous must it be for the moms all around the world right now who are watching their babies breathe their last breaths all because they did not have enough food, water, or basic medical care! The horrible thing about it is that in my heart I care more about "stuff" than preventing that from occurring. Just because I cannot see their faces, I rationalize why I am not the one who should be responsible for them. I excuse myself from caring, because I can distance myself from their pain and suffering in my air-conditioned home with every luxury dispensable.

At this point, you're probably convicted and finding plenty of excuses too.

It's true. Jesus tells us to care for the poor and to have radical abandonment to the Gospel. My Bible doesn't have excuses for people like us.

May we become selfless givers for global missions so that Jesus will be lifted high... so more moms get to keep their babies in their arms a little longer... so more babies get to grow up into adults who care about Jesus and love others too.

The bottomline is we will stand before Jesus one day and give an account of all we have or have not done for His name's sake.

33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? 39 And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ 40 And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” Matthew 25:33-46