Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Most of my life's struggles can be summed up in this statement.

I want heaven to be here, and I want it now.

I long for a perfect world. I ache for it. I'm tired of seeing people hurt that I cannot "fix." I'm tired of seeing brokenness displayed in everything from a wilting flower to a failed marriage. Sometimes, the sadness everywhere is just too much.

In the past few weeks, Bryan and I have experienced the joy from an unexpected pregnancy to the deep grief of losing that little life all too soon. Miscarriage is just another reminder that this world has fallen from all it was supposed to be. Life ends all too soon.

In those moments, our flesh wants to cry out against God and shake our fist at His sovereignty, but in the end, we know that this mess is our fault. God created a perfect world, and humanity chose to abandon it to try to become like God. The terrible thing about our choice is that what we were seeking... God had already done. We already were like God... We were created in His image. We believed a lie and committed treason against our Creator. In the end, Sin marred everything that was already beautiful.

You feel it. I feel it. The effects of Sin are everywhere.

I am hurting. Losing three babies to miscarriages for no apparent reason is heartbreaking.

Some days, all I can think to say is Jesus come soon.

He will.

I long for the day when families won't be torn apart. Broken hearts will mend. Tears will be wiped away from every eye by the One who has borne our pain, who knows our shame, and who knew our failures but loved us and chose us still.

Oh Jesus, may we find you in our loss. Wrap us in Your Spirit. Don't waste our pain.

Revelation 21:3-5 

I saw Heaven and earth new-created. Gone the first Heaven, gone the first earth, gone the sea. I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.” The Enthroned continued, “Look! I’m making everything new. Write it all down—each word dependable and accurate.”

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