Many of you have wondered why I would share our journey through this miscarriage so openly. Honestly, I believe it is God's will for us to suffer publicly this time. Three years ago, when we miscarried shortly after sharing our good news, I decided that I never wanted to go through grieving in the public eye again. However, God's will for us was different than mine.
What you don't know is that when we found out we were pregnant, we were only 3 weeks along. We kept it a secret until weeks later when we had went through repeat HCG levels and an ultrasound that confirmed the pregnancy was healthy.
Days after we began sharing our good news, I began bleeding- at first, in a way that looked like spotting. After a doctor's visit where they assured us that everything was normal, we continued to share and trusted that the bleeding would stop without any problems. I even heard God whisper to me leaving the office that day, "That everything would be ok- to trust in Him." We did... and still do.
I haven't shared our journey for attention or to make myself look strong, because I'm not. I'm actually the weakest, most insecure person you will ever meet, but my Savior is so faithful, so sure, so strong. He has given me a strength, a hope, a peace, and a joy along this difficult road that I have never known before.
Everything is ok. Not in the way I wanted it to be. I want to still be pregnant. I want to give Abby a baby brother or sister in June. But, I trust God. I trust that He has a purpose in our suffering. I trust that He has a purpose in us sharing this journey with you. I have no idea what it is. Maybe you need to know what the true Gospel is.
The true Gospel is not that life will always go well for believers and that they will have abundant health and financial prosperity in this life. That's a lie from hell.
The true Gospel is that we are weak and pitiful in a horribly broken world and that God in His great love for sinners like us sent His only Son Jesus to die on a cross for our sins that we might have hope in His resurrection. That we, His children, would not fear death and eternal separation from Him or our loved ones that believe in Him. The true Gospel is that Jesus is enough for us here in this life and the next and that we do not have to be alone. The true Gospel is why I can rejoice in my grief knowing that one day our family of three will one day again be a family of five. This true Gospel is why I can get out of bed each morning smiling and with joy in my heart- it is why I live.