|28 weeks pregnant... I survived the second trimester. Just one more to go!|
I haven't blogged about the launch of Church@The Square yet, because quite honestly, I haven't felt much like writing or doing anything else lately. The birth of the new church is so exciting and there is so much to tell. However, having a sick gallbladder takes a lot out of me, and I've been carefully rationing out my spurts of energy to take care of Bryan, Abby, and our home.
Lately, I have really been struggling with the constant physical down days where I can't accomplish much more than being pregnant. I mean, technically, even at rest, I'm doing a lot- I'm nurturing our son and giving him a chance to develop well before he meets the outside world. If you know me, I am so task and goal oriented that I don't like to slow down... I have to right now.
Today is one of those days where I woke up sluggish and the funk hasn't went away. I sat in my recliner this morning and was praying. I was thinking about how frustrating it is not to be able to pull as much of the weight with the church plant or with our business as I would like to do right now and was feeling pretty helpless. That's when this verse came to mind.
Matthew 5:3 (The MSG) "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule."
I'm definitely there. I don't have anything more of me to give right now. I have a willing heart but an unwilling body. God knows. God cares. If He has chosen not to heal me right now, it's so I can learn a greater lesson. Maybe, I need to be reminded right now in this huge life transition that it doesn't take more of me to accomplish something great. It takes less of me and more of Him.
I can't run around wide open as I'm used to doing pulling all of the little details together, but I can be still and pray and watch God work everything out in His way. I don't think I will ever like being sick. It stinks. I need to remember that God is accomplishing His purpose in me, through me, and around me- not because I have so much to offer- but because He does. God is good like that. He shocks the world by using the weakest, most useless vessels to show how amazing and capable He is.
"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong." 1 Corinthians 1:27 (ESV)
If you are feeling pretty useless or helpless today, thank Him. You might be exactly where you need to be to finally be useful in His Kingdom.
It's not about us... it is about Jesus.
"In Him we live and move and have our being..." Acts 17:28 (NIV)
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 (ESV)