Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Fruits of 2009
This past year has been one of much emotional and spiritual growth for me as a person. I think I learned more about myself in 2009 than I have my entire existence. What caused this "epiphany" might you ask? I think it was drastically affected by how much time I spent in the Word. The more I read the more I changed. It was inevitably beautiful and satisfying.
The other night I was lying in bed talking to Bryan before we went to sleep and our conversation went like this.
"You know I've been struggling for the last few years about my calling and finding happiness in what I do."- Me
"Yeah."- Bryan in typical male short-answer form
"Well, since I have been praying about it this past year, it's like everything has just been lining up and falling into place. When I was most discouraged recently, I started reading a book (48 Days to the Work You Love) that has helped affirm where I am going and has provided closure for where I have been. It's kind of crazy. It's like God actually wants me to know what He wants me to do with my life."
Bryan upon hearing that claimed this as a future sermon illustration then laughed at me for such a simple "revelation"
It's true. For most of my life, finding God's calling has seemed elusive and mysterious. I had never truly considered that it would align with your greatest joys and gifting. How wonderful our God is! He has not called us to be a martyr of misery but to find great satisfaction in His plan for us. Am I suggesting that we will never face difficulties or that we will never suffer? Absolutely not. I'm just promoting the idea that sometimes we place upon ourselves a "calling" for which we were never called to do in the first place.
For me, I believe I forced myself into nursing as a means of trying to help hurting people while still ensuring that Bryan and I would always have a sizeable income guaranteed at our disposal. While somewhat noble and well-intentioned, my efforts were misguided and fell short of being ultimately satisfying to me. Nursing is a great career with many opportunities, but it was not my perfect fit. In the nursing jobs I have had, I could always find something I enjoyed, but I never felt fulfilled or satisfied. I always had this longing for so much more but passed it off as a personality flaw or as emotional instability due to stress or some other excuse. You get the idea.
Coming to this point has been very humbling and anything but easy. I am a nurse now and am thankful for having a respectable degree from a university. I also want to pursue what makes me alive- not what inwardly wastes my spirit day by day. I know only in God's will can I find true peace and grace.
As Beth Moore likes to say, "My calling is to follow God." Yes, that's true. It is. It is also so much more. It's taking what is unique about me, the way our Creator designed and fashioned me, and using it to impact the world for Jesus. Understanding and following my calling is celebrating God's genius in His design and workmanship of me. As Pastor John Piper famously states, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."
Thus, Peripety Designs has been birthed. Please pray for me as I endeavor to pursue God and walk in faith into this new area of my journey.