Taking the Plunge

Coloring my hair has always made me nervous... like sweaty palms, first date kind of nervous.  It's so permanent or at least I thought so until now.  But, that's what this whole blog is about.

I was contacted by Vocalpoint, a community I belong to, where I get to test out products and give feedback in exchange for perks, to see if I would be interested in blogging about a hair color product.  I emailed them back and let them know that I would consider it but that I was very picky about my hair.  I'm a die hard curly girl, and I don't just put anything in my hair.  Thinking I had nixed my chances of a callback, I was surprised when I was chosen to be a blogger for Clairol's Nice N Easy nonpermanent hair color product.

Seriously?  Don't they know I will absolutely slaughter them with my review if it fries my curls?  

Are you really sure you want me to review your product when I have already confessed to being a hair color Nazi?  I was shocked.  I was scared.  I kicked myself mentally for checking "Maybe" on the box that asked whether or not I would change my hair color.

When my voucher came in the mail to go get my free box of hair color, I waited a week to get it.  In fact, I went to the store to get it twice and walked out with something else.  I really was not too excited about coloring my hair.  So, I tried to find a good reason to skip this product trial.  I posted about it on facebook, asked questions to anyone I thought might have colored their hair, and I spent hours scouring the internet for information when I should have been sleeping (Sad but true).  I used Clairol's iphone app to test out different shades on a photo I had taken, and I just couldn't make a decision.  It was easy to use, but I was just so unsure of the whole thing.

Finally, my husband looked me and said, "Anna, you just need to do this."  Short for, "Anna, you're a chicken.  You're already in this.  Just do it."

So, like a lemming I jumped tiger I pounced for this opportunity, and I chose a color that was similar to my roots but different enough to be noticeable.  I decided that if I was going to color my hair that I was going to actually try to get out of my comfort zone and conquer my coloring fears.

Even though my hair looks dyed, it's just lightened from the sun.

Thanks to my hubby extraordinaire, we documented the whole process for you.  Laugh.  Go ahead.  My hair coloring anxiety is more than evident and captured just for your enjoyment.

The process was pretty easy, and the instructions couldn't have been clearer.  

I was seriously considering chickening out as I was shaking the chemicals up.  I did do a skin test and a strand test previously to make sure everything would be a "go."  I smeared vaseline along my hair line and on my ears to make sure I didn't stain my skin as a coloring newbie.

Here we go.

You can see the skin test on my elbow.  Lol!

My hair is really thick and long, so it took a while to work it all in.  Thankfully, I had two boxes on hand, because it took both to get my hair covered.

Done.  Now to wait 15 minutes.

Rinsing it out until the water runs clear.  I don't recommend doing it this way in a shower.  Either get in the shower completely or do this over your kitchen sink.  The color splattered everywhere and made a mess.  But hey, you knew that, right?

After everything was rinsed out, I added the last step- their awesome conditioner.  I usually avoid silicones like the plague, but for an adequate review, I went the whole way.  I was surprised by how hydrating this conditioner felt.  I really liked it!

2 minutes later I rinsed the conditioner out.  My curls felt good, but I was still nervous.  Every time I have colored my hair, my curls have wilted or frizzed.  I was still skeptical.

After drying, this is the end result.  The color was darker than I anticipated, but I loved the gloss and shine.  It was the shiniest my hair has EVER been, and my curls looked and felt great.  I was super impressed.

Before

Before

             

After

After

A couple of days later, it's lightened some, and my hair still looks great.  I haven't styled my hair since yesterday, and I am still happy with my curls.  In fact, my hair really does feel better now than it did before I took the color plunge.

In conclusion, I'm glad I tried this product.  Clairol Nice N' Easy nonpermanent hair color has good coverage and was easy to use.  The smell wasn't offensive, and I loved the included conditioner.  I like that the color is temporary, so my commitment level is low.  28 washes, and my lighter locks will be back.  I'm already thinking about what color I want to try next.  Change is fun.

My toddler princess thinks my hair rocks.  

She says I have "Snow White" hair now.

I think I look like "Wonder Woman" or "Xena."  But... maybe that's just me. ;)

What color would you try?

Update!  Please read my followup review here: 

http://thecirlotfamily.blogspot.com/2013/03/later-review-on-clairol-nice-and-easy.html

I'm no longer a fan of this product.  Please read my newest blog before using to learn from my mistakes!

The Beauty of Discovering I Am Not God

This past year has pushed me to realize something very important that I should have figured out by now...

I'm not God.

Laugh.  Go ahead.  You think I'm kidding.  I'm not.

I'm completely serious.

In July of 2011, after months of trying, God allowed us to conceive Pax, and by August, I began to really struggle in the pregnancy.  The vomiting started.  I experienced a migraine that resembled a stroke that landed me in the ER and multiple doctor's offices.  Life went out of control very quickly, and since then, nothing has been the same.

Waiting at the pediatrician's office again this week. Both of the kids have become waiting pros.

Between Pax and me, I have spent countless hours in doctor's offices and in the hospital.  My body still isn't the same,  but after my cholecystectomy six weeks ago,  I am just now getting to a place where I think I will have a "new normal" again.  Five months old today, our little guy has had his share of misery with terrible reflux, and the medications he has been on to control it have only helped minimally.

Finally, It looks like we are having a breakthrough with his treatment in the past day.  I am ecstatic, relieved, hopeful... It couldn't have come at a better time.

This past week I hit a wall.  Burnout.  Ugh.

I had tried to pace myself carefully, but my best efforts weren't enough.  Being a caregiver to a baby who is often irritable and crying has drained me, and for the past week, depression has been visiting and threatening to stay.  If you've ever experienced depression before, you know the fear I feel.  I hate being down, but I think I needed this.  I needed to be slowed down, so I would listen.

Here's what I feel like God is teaching me.

You're not God.  I am.

You're not in control.  I am.

You can't do this by yourself.  You're not God.  I am.

Ouch.

You would think I would realize that by now.

Nothing about me looks strong anymore.

I am just now really beginning to get it.

I can't do life alone.  I can't shoulder the responsibility of raising my kids, being a good wife, or being a somewhat decent friend by myself.

I have to do it in the grace that God gives me, and sometimes, that's through others.

Sure, I know what it is like to have the support, love, and friendship from my family and my Christian community.  We have experienced the abundant kindness of others often, and the past few weeks, I have been intentionally rearranging my life to invite help in more often.  But, until this point, I thought that help was a luxury, and I was wrong.

Asking for help is a need for me... and them.

When I ask for help because I am struggling and life is too heavy for me to bear, I am being humble and admitting to those listening that I am not God.  I am opening myself up to the fact that I am not self sufficient and am indeed human.

Yes, I think we sometimes need to be reminded.  Isn't that what happened in the garden of Eden?  Eve listened to the Serpent (AKA. the Devil) because she wanted to be like God.  She ate the fruit, shared it with her husband, and life has went downhill since.  As humans, we've had a God complex since the beginning.

It's time to end it.

When I give others (referring to the Christian community) the opportunity to help meet my needs, they get the blessing of loving and serving me like Jesus loves and serves them.

Then, my vulnerability and neediness become a beautiful thing as the unbelieving world that is watching gets to see my suffering being eased, and the beauty of Christ is put on display as I get off my pedestal and He gets on it where He belongs. 

Trying to cheer up Little Man Sunday evening
with glider time.

At that moment, this isn't just a Christian friend helping me sweep my floors or someone bouncing a sick baby to give me a break.  This is the Christian Church functioning unselfishly in a raw and beautiful way that screams Jesus is alive.

I know what some of you are thinking.  I like being independent.  I feel safe when I am in control of what I need and how I get it.  If you look up the definition of a Type A control freak, my photo is in the margin.  I am not a good example of this yet.

Being vulnerable is awkward and risky.  

But, right now, I am realizing again (yes, I'm a slow learner) that it is not about me.  This life is about God and His glory.  If in my weakness, the world sees Christ more clearly and He becomes more desirable, it is worth it.  My life isn't about making sure everyone knows how strong or how "together" Anna Cirlot is.  It's about Him.  God's strength.  God's design.  God's sovereignty.  God's glory.

I'm not God.

He is.

This is war.  We have a real Enemy that is more than happy to take us out.  If we harden ourselves in pride, we'll either crumble under the pressure or become too puffed up from "making it" on our own to let Jesus get the spotlight He deserves.

Let's be real.  Let's be vulnerable.  Let's hold each other up.  Let's admit life is messy, and that we need each other.

Let's live in such a way dear friends that the world will know this isn't just another fairy tale.  Jesus is real.

"Let me give you a new command: Love one another.  In the same way I loved you, you love one another.  This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples, when they see the love you have for each other." John 13:34-35

Learning to Dance...

What do you do when your idols are attacked?  (An idol is something we try to find our satisfaction or identity in apart from God) Do you repent and realize how much you depend on other things for happiness instead of Him?  Or, do you get angry at God for messing with "fill in the blank"?

This is a question I feel like I have been answering over and over again for the past 19 months.  That's how long my life has been hugely unsettled through many things... Bryan's job loss, our transition into church planting, a tough pregnancy, quite a few health problems amongst all of us, and recently my cholecystectomy.

This morning I woke up to find our living room floor was buckled and warped from a water leak.  We're still unsure of its source.  As Bryan scooted around on the floor with a flashlight trying to figure out what was going on, I felt the tears start to burn in my eyes and my heart sank.

You see... until this year, we had been debt free, except for our house, and we have had a reasonable emergency fund.  This past year when God asked us to plant Church@The Square, we stepped out in faith and took a huge financial risk.  God has been so good to provide in so many ways.  If you were on the outside looking in, you'd never know that we were walking a tight rope.  However, the past six months medical bills have come in faster than our incomes could provide, and it's been discouraging.

Thankfully, Bryan is now full-time with Church@The Square, and our hardest season financially is over.  It'll take a while to pay off what remains.

Here are my thoughts.

I have to make a choice right now. I can either keep praying that God will provide for our needs and work hard in a Biblical way to honor Him, or I can get angry at God for "letting" this happen.  I can either still believe that God is in control, or I can choose to believe the lie that God is indifferent and that it is up to me to fix everything.  If God has successfully provided so well to keep us debt free through many lean seasons until this point then He has a purpose in allowing us to accumulate debt in this season.

At least in part, I think He has allowed it to attack my personal idol... security.

If I have learned anything in the past year and half, I have learned that my security can only be in Christ.

When your husband suddenly finds Himself jobless, you lose part of your security.  You know you are insufficient to mend his heart wounds and to provide for your household.

When you start to plant a church, you are doing something "uncool" or "crazy."  Your security isn't in your identity as a church planter.  Most people just don't understand.

When you vomit 30 times a day and become too weak to take care of your family well because your pregnancy isn't going well, your security isn't in how good of a wife or homemaker you are.  You just feel exhausted and overwhelmed.

When your new baby is cranky and cries days on end, your security isn't in how good of a mom you are.  You feel like a failure.

When you finally are able to have the surgery you've needed for over a year, your security isn't in being independent anymore.  You need help while you are down to keep life going for everyone else in your home.

So, snap back to this morning... I'm tearing up and breathing a prayer to God for provision again.  As I sit down in my chair wondering how bad the damage is and how we are going to be able to replace the flooring and fix everything when our time is already stretched too thin, my sweet toddler princess comes up and asks me to turn on the worship music.  As I turn it on, she begins to twirl and dance in joy across our warped living room floor, and I am overwhelmed by the realization that God is inviting me to do the same.  He is inviting me to dance with Him in this glorious, messy life and just trust Him to make it all right in the end.

I don't know how my story will play out, but I am not supposed to.  God is my heavenly Father, and He loves me and will provide for our needs.  I don't need security to be happy or at peace- I just need Him.  I need to rest in Jesus and dance.

You're Gonna Think I Am Crazy But...

So, you're going to think I am crazy, but I am really not.  I'm nuts adventurous. I added these babies to my styling routine today.  Yes, I'm for real.  I live life on the edge.

My long curly hair has been driving me up the wall this week.  I know I should be patient with it.  It's probably not its fault that it's been frizzy.  I did just have a baby.  I am a week postop.  I am breastfeeding a chunky monkey.  However, I do want my shiny hair back, so I have been looking at naturallycurly.com for tips on fighting summer humidity without harsh products or silicones.

I discovered that agave nectar acts as a humectant.  It grabs onto moisture and keeps it from evaporating.  Coconut oil is an excellent deep moisturizer.  Obviously, if you overuse either, your hair will become a slimy, sticky mess, but used correctly on wavy/curly hair, I am pretty impressed with the results.

Here's how much coconut oil I used.  

I really like the brand I used. It's called Tropical Traditions.  I was sent a bottle as a blogger freebie a while back, and though I bet the company thought I would use it to cook something delicious, it's going in my mane.  A tiny bit goes a very long way.  If you overuse this, it'll be an excellent moisturizing treatment, but it will make you look like you haven't cleaned your hair in weeks.  Yuck.  You'll have to start over (or wish you had the time to...*clearing my throat* speaking from personal experience).

I spooned out a tiny bit then rubbed it into liquid in my hands before smoothing it all over my dry second day hair.  I wanted to make sure I didn't add too much, but I wanted to make sure I got a nice shine.  When I was happy with the shine, I spritzed my hair with a water bottle until it was damp.  Next, I added the agave nectar.

Here's how much agave nectar I used.

Remember, I have long, thick hair that is VERY frizz prone.  You may need much less.  After squirting a little in my palm, I watered it down and made a serum I smoothed over slightly damp second day curly hair.  In fact, I ended up doing that much twice to make sure I had coated all of my hair efficiently.  At the end, I scrunched my hair and waited for it to dry.

Here's the end result.  Excuse my smirking face.  

(Taking a photo of yourself is just plain awkward.) 

I really like how well my kitchen chemistry turned out.  Agave nectar and coconut oil are much less expensive than the high end products I need for great second day hair, and they are actually good for my curls too.  They both smell heavenly, and it has lasted all day through baby spit up and Mississippi heat. And, did I mention, my hair isn't sticky or greasy at all?  It's just lovely.  Who would've guessed?

A Day in My Shoes

I hate the awkward conversations that come up because I have chosen to stay at home with my kids.  I either get the question, "Well, what do you do during the day?" as if there really isn't anything to do.  Or, if I am really lucky, I get the remark from the other person, "I'd never be able to stay at home with my kids. I'd get bored."  Either remark draws a blank stare from me.  I'm just not sure how to respond.  All I can think is, "Seriously?  How do I sum up what I do? Bored.  I wish!"  So for all of you who have wanted to ask this question but are too wise to do it, let me just share my day with you as an example of what a stay at home mom does.

One word.

Survive.

No, I'm not being dramatic.

My morning began with a cranky Pax crying at 3:20 a.m.  I squint at my cell phone clock and realize I am an hour and half late on one of the Reglan doses.  I guess I overslept the alarm.  I roll out of bed to watch my 3 month old bubble up baby acid like a geiser.  Nice.  I turn off his Angelcare monitor and pick him up to nurse him and give him his medicine.  Sleepy Pax nurses on one side for what seems like forever before falling back to sleep.  I gently tote him back to his bed on the other side of our room and turn on the angelcare monitor again.  Five minutes later, he rouses up and begins to cry.  I turn off the monitor again, and pick him up to nurse him again.  My head feels like it has been smashed by a train.  Pax falls asleep again and I transfer him to the bed. I pop an ibuprofen to help me deal with the cold that I caught from my sick toddler. I lay down, and Pax wakes up again.  It's 4:30 a.m. now, and I am miserable.  I tap Bryan on his shoulder and beg him to take a turn.  He shuffles out of bed and takes a shift.  He gets Pax to sleep and lays down.  Pax cries again.  We both sigh.  I get up this time and am awake enough to realize that I had forgotten to swaddle Pax as tightly as normal, so I change his diaper and rewrap him into a Pax burrito.  The kid is out in ten minutes and stays down.  I fall asleep sometime after 5.

A couple of hours later, Pax wakes up for good, and I nurse him in the bed with us.  I read my Bible reading plan and devotional on my iphone for a few minutes while burping Pax.  Abby bursts through our bedroom door chattering about Dora or one of her imaginary friends.  My quiet time is over.  I roll out of bed, and since I'm struggling with horrible vertigo (thanks Meneire's!) brought on by the nasty cold I am fighting,  Bryan takes a shift with the kids.  I shower and try to pull myself together for the day.  When I get dressed, Bryan informs me that he has managed to get Abby and Pax both fed and Pax is down for a catnap in his swing.  I take over with the kids, and he showers to begin his day.  I pour a bowl of cereal and eat it while holding a needy Abby in my lap.  We both know that Pax will wake up soon, and I'm trying to give her the one-on-one attention she craves before this opportunity passes.  

Silly Abby

Once Pax wakes up, he is happy for about 3 minutes then begins to fuss and want to nurse again.  I nurse him, and Bryan takes Abby with him to a meeting.  I spend the whole time they are gone trying to settle Pax down.  A couple of outfit changes later for both of us, Pax is still spitting up and crying.

I finally give up on comforting him and put him in his swing.  While he is crying, I try to tidy up the kitchen by unloading and reloading the dishwasher.  It's time for lunch, and I nuke leftover potato soup.  Abby and Bryan are eating while they are out, so it's just up to me to take care of Pax and myself.  I take the hysterical Pax out of the swing and try to calm him down.  I then attempt to feed him his oatmeal and bananas while I eat my soup.  No success.  Pax clamps his mouth shut and spits everything I push in out.  After a few minutes of seeing Pax's wailing and gnashing of teeth (that is the two bottom teeth that are coming in), I give up.  I put him back in his swing and let him cry it out while I finish cleaning up the kitchen.  I look out the window and realize I forgot to feed and water Lottie this morning.  Poor dog.  I feel guilty so I let her in the house.  She flips and flops with excitement and searches the house for dropped toddler snacks.  I'm sure she wasn't disappointed.

About that time, Abby and Bryan return from their meeting.  Bryan and I plan out the rest of the day so our schedules will be synced.  Bryan begins to work in the office.  Abby goes to her playroom for a little while.  Pax wakes up again after only a short catnap.  He's spitting up again and screaming.  I tote him into our bedroom and change his diaper again.  I settle him in his nap nanny with a toy, and he is content for about ten minutes.  I start a load of laundry and try to put finished laundry away.  I only get partially done before Pax is screaming again.  My phone alarm rings.  It's time for Pax's medicine again.  It doesn't seem to help any.  Frustrated, I pick Pax up and tote him with me into the office. I settle him into his bouncer, so I can file away the papers Bryan has finished sorting.  Lottie walks in, licks Pax in the face, and Pax is crying again.  I bounce him with my foot while I finish filing the papers.  Bryan leaves the house for the rest of the day.

Guilty Lottie... look at those guilty eyes.

My patience is gone.  Pax is still screaming, crying, and spitting up everywhere.  He wants to nurse again.  I nurse him, and I give up and put him in his baby carrier.  Yes, I am a human kangaroo.  Content finally.  Pax falls asleep on my chest in the carrier, and I sit down in the recliner exhausted.  I want to take a nap too.  After all, Abby is content.  Pax is content.  I've kicked Lottie outside.  Did I mention that I put Peeperz outside at some point in the midst of all of this too?  I pick up my journal to scribble out my frustrations and to try to focus on the positive.  I write out a quick prayer asking God for grace to finish the day well.

I look at my clock and realize I have to get Abby and Pax into the car if I am going to make it to fax some important paperwork in time.  I load up the kids into the car.  Pax is screaming and crying again because he is out of the baby carrier.  Abby is wearing a white fur trimmed red cape with a Dora backpack stuffed with My Little Ponies, fake food, and a toy lizard.  I look like I just rolled out of bed.  Quite honestly, I just don't care.  I think to myself, "Well, at least I showered."  We make it to fax the paperwork in time, and we pick up dog food at my parents' clinic.  I reload everyone into the car again and realize it is supper time.  We run through McD's to get something to eat since we still have to get a few groceries.  We pull into Walgreens parking lot to eat and I nurse Pax again at the same time to try to calm him down.  He has been screaming since we left Moss Point.  We finish eating then go into Walgreens to get more baby food.  They're out of what I need.  Of course.

I reload the kids in the car.  Pax starts his normal screaming/crying routine again.  I call Bryan to tell him we'll be home late.  No problem though, because he's going to be home late too.  We head to Walmart in Ocean Springs and get out again.  I put Pax in his baby carrier and he goes to sleep.  The poor kid smells like a mix of sweat and spit up from crying so much today.  Abby frolics and dances beside the buggy, and I do my best to keep her from spinning into anyone as I drop items into our basket.  At this point, my curls are sticking up in all directions, and I know I look like one of "those" stay at home moms.  I look sleep deprived and crazy.  Again, I really don't care.  We make it through Walmart, and I reload the kids into the car.   Abby spills the rest of her Happy Meal into the back seat of the car while getting her My Little Ponies to jump from her lap to the seat.  Great.  Pax wakes up but is surprisingly quiet.  Phew... close one.

I pull into the driveway, and Pax starts screaming and crying again.  I get out and get the kids inside.  I bring in the groceries while Pax is still screaming in his carseat.  I go back out and clean up the mess on the back seat.  Pax is still freaking.  I go in to get him out and sneeze and pee all over myself.  TMI I know... gotta love what pregnancy does to your body.  So... I settle Abby and tote the screaming Pax in his carseat into my bathroom so I can take a quick shower.  After showering, I get dressed and finally get Pax out to nurse him, give him his medicine, and feed him his bananas and oatmeal.  Bryan gets home, and I hand him Pax.

I put Abby in the bathtub, wash her hair, and Bryan lets Lottie inside again.  I take Pax back from Bryan, and he takes over bath time duty with Abby.  I make a bath for Pax in the sink and get him clean and swaddled for bed.  Pax begins to cry again, and I nurse him until he falls asleep.  I lay him down in his bed, and go to get Abby out of the tub.  

Pax angry about his bath

Somehow, Abby got Lottie into the tub and now she's wet too.  I go to grab my camera to snap a photo, and Lottie leaps out of the tub and slides down the hallway soaking the floor.  Bryan and I rally our wet puppy up, and dry her off the best we can.  

Lottie right before she charged out of the bathroom

Next, we get Abby out, and I get her dressed, dry her hair, and give her the medicine she needs.  Bryan brings Peeperz inside again.  At this point, I hand off Abby to Bryan, and he reads her a night time story and gets her to bed.  Peeperz in tow, I go and finish putting up the groceries and put up Pax's baby tub.  I pick up the living room and Bryan and I get ready to go to bed and start everything over again the next day. 

So there you go... that's what a day in my shoes looks like... minus the web and graphic design stuff that I usually do too.

I want a shirt that says, "I'm a mom.  What are your super powers?"

I think it'd sell.

Seriously.  Jesus is what gets me through each and every day.  Being a mom has taught me how much I really need Him in every way.

Because I need new mercies for tomorrow, I'm going to bed.

Good night.

White Flag

If you could see me typing writing now, you'd laugh.  Seriously.  I'm one hot mess, and I've got Pax tied to me in his sleepy wrap.  My wild morning curls are what I refer to as happy curls.  They are untamed and reaching for the sky every which way.  I've tried to tie them back into a pieced together bun, but they aren't cooperating.  You get the picture.

I feel like I look like a cross between this...

and maybe this.

I have this crazy vision of having a perfect life.  The kind where you roll out of bed and look Hollywood goodness.  Ready to go for the day.  The kind where all of your kids sleep through the night and wake up in harmony the next morning.  The kind where you can kiss your spouse upon waking up and not taste a hint of morning breath.  That kind of life.

That's not my life.  I'm pretty sure it is not yours either.  Insanely, I still strive for it.  It's like I have this internal drive that longs for that kind of perfection.  I want to worship it.  I put this vision on a pedestal and am ever reaching for it, and I get frustrated every time I miss.

For example, when I got pregnant with Pax, I thought to myself, "This will be the perfect pregnancy.  I'm in better shape this time.  I am going to exercise throughout it and really enjoy this one."  Needless to say, my pregnancy with Pax was beyond miserable.  No one equates throwing up thirty times a day and countless visits to the ER with perfection.  Fail.

Next, I told myself, "This has been a tough pregnancy, but maybe he will be the perfect baby."  Graciously, God did give us a month of almost perfect bliss.  Once we passed the one month mark, we began to have even more trouble getting Pax to eat, and reflux reared its ugly head.  Our peaceful angel turned into a screaming banshee.  Again, fail.

I've struggled with exhaustion.  I've struggled with disappointment.  I've struggled with frustration. I've struggled with depression.  I've decided I am done.  Not with being a parent.  I LOVE my kiddos... sick or not.  I'm done with this longing for a perfect life.  My life isn't perfect now, and it won't be tomorrow.  The moment we get one thing under control something else will take its place.  This world is broken.  I'm broken.  What my heart is really yearning for isn't this idol of perfection that I have made... it's longing for Jesus.  Perfection itself.  

In the chaos of changing diapers, cleaning up puppy messes, tackling the unending piles of laundry, and wiping a toddler's once again snotty nose, Jesus is calling to my tired soul, and I am feeling a tug towards something more.  That isn't a perfect house, perfect family, perfect body, perfect "blank"... He is calling me to Himself.  "Rest in me sweet child," He says, "I am enough.  I am the beginning and the end of everything your heart longs for."

When I give up on my pursuit of making this life the source of my satisfaction and make Jesus all that satisfies instead, I wake up and realize that my life may be messy but it is good.  Really good.  In between the fussy moments of tending to a baby with unending reflux, I wake up and appreciate the warm breath of my infant wrapped tightly against my chest.  I wake up and see my beautiful toddler princess rocking out to her own personal musical in the living room.  I wake up and see my hard working husband carrying the weight of so much on his shoulders but slowing down enough to serve me by unloading the dishwasher when he comes home from work.  I wake up and see that my unpredictable curls are a gift to remind me that life cannot be tamed but is simply meant to be enjoyed for what it is.

One day, when I draw my final breath in this life, I'll begin another where everything that is broken will be renewed.  Perfection will be what is.  Anything less will be only a shadow of the past.  I'll be like Jesus.  Perfect.  Complete. Whole.

Until then, I'll wait.  I will focus on Jesus.  In this beautiful mess, my heart will be full as I rest in His perfection until I see Him face to face.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." (Psalm 139:1-6 ESV)

House for Sale!

My grandparents are selling their house on 4500 McInnis Avenue in Moss Point.

They are having an open house this Saturday.

Check out the photo tour below if you are interested or know someone who would be.

Help us get the word out!

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