Simple Photography Wall on a Budget

I have a confession.  I like to rearrange things... a lot.  Since we have been married, we hardly let a few months go by before we rearrange our furniture.

I like change.  It keeps me from feeling stagnant.  It keeps my mind creative.  It makes life feel fresh.

Since I have gotten sick, we haven't rearranged our furniture nearly as often, because I simply did not have the energy to do anything that was not necessary.  Three weeks into the new treatments, I am beginning to feel like my old self again.  I actually "want" to do things to get our life in order again.  That feels good.

Last night, Bryan and I rearranged the living room again, and I created a thrifty chic display on the wall for photos that were taken this past December in one of our favorite spots.  I like it.

Before: Our blank wall that has driven me crazy for about a year now.

After: We flipped our sectional around to open up the living and dining area more.  I really like the simplicity of hanging the photos with metal clips on a sheer ribbon.  We used eye hooks to mount the ribbon and keep it tight.

After:  Here's our display at a different angle.  I printed the photos online at Artsy Couture and chose a metallic finish.  Let me tell you... the print quality is unparalleled.

Walking into a room with beautiful photography makes me happy.  This little project didn't cost us a dime.

It feels good to see our home transform again into a beautiful, restful retreat from the world.

How do you make your house your home?  What do you like to decorate with?

Removing the Dross

In elementary school, I was introduced to the brilliant idea of extra credit. I loved it. I worked the system like a champ, and I made sure I made perfect scores on every test I took so that the bonus points could build a cushion for my off days. I liked seeing 110/A on tests. I really liked knowing that I would still have a perfect average even if I had a bad day in the future. It was secure, safe, and I was confident that I would be successful in school. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to be the valedictorian, and I knew insulating my grades would help achieve that goal. I was right. It did.

So naturally, as I've matured and grown up in life, that same mentality has shifted into almost every other area of life.  

When we heard about Dave Ramsey, the Christian financial advisor, and his plan to become and stay debt free, we jumped on board. I loved his smart advice, and I loved the financial security of being insulated from any possible emergency or pitfall in the future. I sold out for his plan 100%, started a home business to make it possible, and I leveraged everything to help us become more financially secure.

Enter church planting. It rocked our world. Enter Pax. I became too sick to keep up with the world I had built, and God didn't heal me. Enter confusion. Up until this point, God had provided in miraculous ways to keep us debt free, and for this season, He didn't. Enter anger. I felt that God had abandoned me in my suffering, and I didn't understand why He was not providing for our needs. Enter despair. I knew I was helpless, and I was ashamed that I couldn't keep up with the system ideal I had set for my life.  Enter the Prosperity Gospel. When I tried to find comfort in other Christians, I often heard that God blesses those He loves, and Sin is the reason God withdraws His blessing. Enter struggle. I wrestled with God and myself. I knew we were following God. I knew life was hard. I knew He was my only Hope for peace. I knew I needed Him.

Enter rest.  I'm here.  

It's because of the Word. Scripture redefined my worldview, and I realized suffering was what I needed to purge the false theology that I had made my own. God had to take away the "dross from my heart to make a suitable vessel for His Spirit (Prov. 25:4 paraphrase)." I needed His refining fire to melt away everything that was competing with Him to make His Spirit shine brighter in me than everything else. The process has been painful. I can't say I have enjoyed the journey, but I am thankful that God sometimes withholds His provision for a season to expose our hearts and ultimately lead us to a greater dependency on Him. (There is an incredible sermon about this here that Dr. Russell Moore preached back in 2010 if you'd like to explore this idea more.)

I still love the idea of being debt free so that you are more free to give. I want to be there again with my whole heart. However, it's not an idol for me anymore. If we are never debt free again but are faithfully using our resources for the Kingdom and not merely for our own pleasure, we won't have failed. The funny thing about being married to a pastor is that you usually get to be a living sermon example for whatever he is passionate about. Bryan hates the Prosperity Gospel and the way it has tainted the worldview of the Church.

We are getting to live out that following Jesus doesn't always lead to financial security and prosperity, but it will lead to peace in Christ.

Jesus is worth more than anything.

John Piper teaches, "Purity only comes through the refining fire." (You can listen to that sermon here.) The good news is that the refining fire is ultimately for our good. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God." Matthew 5:8

As John Piper preaches, "What is life like in the refiner's fire? More than anything else it is the unshakeable trust that all the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness. And on the path to purity and heaven the truth is this: no pain, no gain. Both things are true: the Lord is like a refiner's fire, and a refiner's fire is a fire."

Dear Christian as you struggle in this world and are beat down by the accusations of those around you who question you and judge you for not being successful on their terms, you may be exactly where God wants you to be. God doesn't care about your worldly success. He cares about His glory and your good. God will refine you until you reflect His Son well.

It is a good thing. He will sustain you. Rest in Jesus.

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

Much Awaited Answers!

I'm a little slow giving an update on my blog, but we finally made progress in getting some answers for many of the health issues I have had in the past couple of years.  In April, I started seeing a new doctor at Forward Health Solutions in Hattiesburg, and the Friday before last, we received the results of twenty-one tests that had been ordered.

We discovered that my thyroid levels were low, my adrenals were low, and my hormone levels were completely out of whack.  Having a basically nonexistent progesterone level was the explanation for all of the miscarriages I have had.  In fact, it is an absolute miracle that we have Abby and Pax.  Progesterone is essential to sustaining a pregnancy in the first 12 weeks of life, and it's amazing that I did not lose the kids we have with my low levels.  God has been so good to us in ways we never even knew.

Pax and me on Mother's Day at Waffle House

Also, we learned that I am very, very low in iron.  Though we still aren't sure what caused my labs to be so off yet, we do have a plan of action now.  I'll be receiving weekly iron injections in addition to supplements to try to boost everything that is off.  I am very hopeful that I will begin to have a normal energy level again within a few months as we work on adjusting everything to get it just right again.

I am so very thankful that this appointment was productive and helpful.  After hearing so many times that everything was "normal" when I knew everything was not, it is a huge relief to know I will be able to overcome the fatigue I have been battling for so long now.

Abby and me playing flower princesses one morning in May

As for my diet, I tried eating Paleo last month to see if it would help at all, but honestly, I'm just more of a fan of eating gluten free clean cuisine style.  It works better for my family, and I feel better with that diet specifically.  However, I did learn some great Paleo recipes that I will continue incorporating into our diet in the future.

It's my hope as my energy returns again that I will be able to blog more again in the future.

For now, I am so grateful to be on the right path to feeling good and am so thankful that God directed us where we needed to go to get some answers that we needed very much.

‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Living Faith in a Marriage

I first watched the video of this couple's testimony this past year, and I was deeply moved.  I cannot imagine living in their circumstances.  Jesus is so very good and faithful.

This love story is absolutely beautiful.




Here's an update a year later:

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/ian-and-larissa-one-year-later

Bucking the System

Once again, I've dropped off the blog radar for a period of time, because life has been unpredictable here. I've been struggling with a host of GI issues since I became pregnant with Pax, but switching to a strict gluten free diet has pretty much eliminated all of those symptoms. Praise God! That is a huge step forward for my health.

However, though I have not talked about it as much, I am still battling a chronic fatigue that comes and goes like a beast.  

When I say it's fatigue, I don't mean a tiredness that is normal from being a mom of two little ones. It's a weariness that knocks me on my back and makes me too exhausted to be able to sit up in a chair for long periods of time. It's frustrating. It's discouraging. It's humbling.

I haven't talked about it much except with close friends and family, because I did not want to deal with other peoples' opinions and their labels on top of this illness.  

It's not depression, though I wish it could be fixed with a pill.  It's not laziness, because I am too type A to be lazy for longer than an hour.  (Anyone who knows me just smirked at that comment.)  It's not predictable.  I went for a few weeks without a single episode and thought it was gone, but then it returned this week and had me down for two days.  I hate it.

This past week I started seeing a new doctor that specializes in integrative medicine.  I'm really hopeful that she will be able to give us direction in how to help me heal or at least deal with this better.  I'm starting a Paleo diet this month per her recommendation.  My doctor is ordering more tests to try to help us figure out exactly what this fatigue is and why I keep miscarrying.  Chances are they are connected.

Why blog about all of this now after I have kept it mostly private for two years?  

Well, I realized something this morning.  I love to blog.  It's my way of sharing what God is doing through my life. However, I've really felt like I did not fit the correct "blogger format" for a while.  You see, most blogs go something like this. A blogger shares their story about how something isn't going well... They may be in debt or are overweight or are sick. Then, the blog turns around as they share how they worked themselves out of debt, learned how to become fit, or figured out the secret of how they could become well. You get the picture.

My blog obviously doesn't fit into any of those categories. I don't have life figured out. I'm not debt free anymore. I'm not perfectly fit. I am certainly not a postcard picture of health. In my head, I subconsciously felt like I did not have the right to blog while I have so many unanswered questions... while I am vulnerable to criticism or opinions.

I'm bucking the system.  I am going to keep writing my story.  

I am going to pick up blogging again not for you but for me. Testifying about God's presence and faithfulness in this chaotic mess is my worship to God. I don't have all of the answers, and I probably never will.

In the end, maybe what all of us need is not another blog sharing about how they have it altogether but about a God who came down into this world and turned it upside down with His Son Jesus.

 

Life isn't neat. It can't be filed away in color coded categories. Sometimes, the good and the bad are just a blended up crazy mess that simply point to our need for a Savior and that help us long for a perfect place to go to one day.

Welcome to my blog. The good, the bad, the ugly. May we be transparent enough in our journeys to show people that Jesus is the One who holds us together and that we are a living testimony of His grace. In the end, Jesus is the One who satisfies... not a perfect bank account, not a rocking hard body, or an A plus on our medical report. May we strive together to show people Jesus is enough.

Jesus is enough for me.

Thanks for coming along this journey with me.

^{Ephesians 2:19-22 The Message}

That’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.

Longing

Most of my life's struggles can be summed up in this statement.

I want heaven to be here, and I want it now.

I long for a perfect world. I ache for it. I'm tired of seeing people hurt that I cannot "fix." I'm tired of seeing brokenness displayed in everything from a wilting flower to a failed marriage. Sometimes, the sadness everywhere is just too much.

In the past few weeks, Bryan and I have experienced the joy from an unexpected pregnancy to the deep grief of losing that little life all too soon. Miscarriage is just another reminder that this world has fallen from all it was supposed to be. Life ends all too soon.

In those moments, our flesh wants to cry out against God and shake our fist at His sovereignty, but in the end, we know that this mess is our fault. God created a perfect world, and humanity chose to abandon it to try to become like God. The terrible thing about our choice is that what we were seeking... God had already done. We already were like God... We were created in His image. We believed a lie and committed treason against our Creator. In the end, Sin marred everything that was already beautiful.

You feel it. I feel it. The effects of Sin are everywhere.

I am hurting. Losing three babies to miscarriages for no apparent reason is heartbreaking.

Some days, all I can think to say is Jesus come soon.

He will.

I long for the day when families won't be torn apart. Broken hearts will mend. Tears will be wiped away from every eye by the One who has borne our pain, who knows our shame, and who knew our failures but loved us and chose us still.

Oh Jesus, may we find you in our loss. Wrap us in Your Spirit. Don't waste our pain.

Revelation 21:3-5 

I saw Heaven and earth new-created. Gone the first Heaven, gone the first earth, gone the sea. I saw Holy Jerusalem, new-created, descending resplendent out of Heaven, as ready for God as a bride for her husband. I heard a voice thunder from the Throne: “Look! Look! God has moved into the neighborhood, making his home with men and women! They’re his people, he’s their God. He’ll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good—tears gone, crying gone, pain gone—all the first order of things gone.” The Enthroned continued, “Look! I’m making everything new. Write it all down—each word dependable and accurate.”

Later Review on Clairol Nice and Easy Nonpermanent Hair Color

Can I just be honest?  A whiny, complaining blog is the absolutely worst to read.

I never want to be that blogger.

But, I don't want to be a lier.  I don't want to recommend products that turn out to be a total disaster.

If you remember, I wrote a blog (click here to read it) about being chosen to try out Clairol's Nice and Easy nonpermanent hair color as part of a blogger program for facing coloring fears.

Initially, I loved the product.  The color was great.  The idea of not having to commit was fantastic.  The application was easy and felt good on my hair.  My blog about my first impressions with this product was completely genuine.

Sadly, it was too good to be true.

I used Clairol's Nice and Easy hair color more than once, and the subsequent applications were not reliable.   After my first blog, I went darker, and the color was still pretty, but I didn't feel like it was consistently gentle on my hair.  To my horror, the color would NOT wash out.  I developed a lovely roots stripe as the color simply would not fade.

I tried EVERYTHING... Ok, well maybe not everything.  I didn't shave my head.  While I typically am very anti-shampoo, because sodium lauryl sulfate is a curl killer (we'll save that for another blog), I used clarifying shampoo to no avail.  I tried grinding Vitamin C up into shampoo and letting it sit to loosen the color.  I only ended up with a nasty scalp rash.   I tried baking soda and vinegar rinses.  I tried hot oil treatments.  I tried almost every suggestion I could find on any hair forum anywhere and absolutely nothing worked.

In desperation, I contacted Clairol's customer service through their online chat line, and I realized I was in trouble.

This was my conversation.

(Name of the service rep changed for her privacy.  It's not her fault she works for a company that sells bad products.  She was nice and as helpful as she could be.)

Chrissy: Thank you for contacting Clairol!  My name is Chrissy.  How may I help you?

Anna Cirlot: Hi, I dyed my hair black with Clairol's Nice N Easy Nonpermanent hair color at the end of December, and it's not washing out evenly.  My roots are showing at the top, but the tips of my hair are still very dark black.  

Anna Cirlot: I really want to go back to my natural hair color, and I thought it was supposed to wash out evenly.

Chrissy: I am so sorry that you didn't like your results, Anna!  

Chrissy: Non-permanent colors are pretty shade specific.  They have just enough color deposit in them to wash out in about 24-28 shampoos or 4-6 weeks if you are not going any darker than the natural color.

Chrissy: If you do go darker than the natural color, it will put more pigment in the hair than it is able to lose in the normal time period.  This can cause the color to last longer than we would originally expect.

Chrissy: I am so sorry, but if the color hasn't washed out since December, I would have to suggest that you either continue to wash the hair and let the color come out naturally or you visit a salon to lighten the color.

Anna Cirlot: Ok.  Thanks for the advice.

Chrissy: It was a pleasure assisting you today.  Is there anything else I can help you with?

Anna Cirlot: Nope.  That's it.  Thanks.

Chrissy: If you have further questions about hair coloring or hair care, please feel free to chat with us again, or call our Clairol hotline at 1-800-CLAIROL (1-800-252-4765) Monday through Friday between 8:30 AM and 8:30 PM or Saturday between 9:00 AM and 6:00 PM, Eastern Time.

Chrissy: Have a great day, Anna!

Chrissy has disconnected.

That's where Clairol left me.  According to them, I should have known better than to dye my hair the shade I did.

Seriously, Clairol?  What was the whole blogger campaign about not being afraid to try a new color?  To take a chance at a bolder look?

Don't be fooled.  Clairol's Nice and Easy nonpermanent hair color may wash out for some, but it doesn't wash out for everyone every time.  

It's not low risk as promised.  They know that but still market it the same.  

In the end, I had to visit a professional hair salon to have my color fixed.  The results were so shamefully dramatic that my stylist (who is also a friend) entered my before and after photos in a makeover contest with my consent.  She totally rocked the hair fix, so I was completely cool with it.

Before: I soooo definitely hid my roots line when take this before photo.  I'll admit it.  I was too embarrassed to even take a photo for the blog.  Thankfully, I at least liked the rest of it black.

After: My stylist creatively highlighted and toned my hair until it all meshed together nicely.  It will take me months to get back to my natural color.  While I usually am a die hard curly girl, you can see the color better when it's straight.  Forgive the low quality iphone photos.

But, hello?  Wasn't the whole point of using a nonpermanent hair color to avoid hair dye mistakes like this?  Well, apparently not.

You've been warned.  Clairol's Nice and Easy nonpermanent hair color is not your friend.

I'm done with at home coloring jobs.